counting back to the year that was

I cant believe the year is almost over...we're just dealing with the last scraps...and for a while, if i sit myself down, i can't believe its gone by so fast...seriously...where did the whole year go?

Is this a sign that the year was nondescript? maybe...some parts of it were exhilarating... some parts of it just bleh! and while i am always grateful for the mercies from above... i cant say that i am particularly sad to see this year go.... i am so looking forward to the next one... 2010....almost sounds like something the space scientists predicted 60 years ago!

Most of this year has passed in a haze....the only memories that stand out vividly are the travel trips K and I made....

i can hardly remember anything from january other than i starrted a very important project at work which saw me through till july... we went on a team outing and i did the rope walk... it put a lot of things in perspective for me...in a way that was good, because the year was just starting off and having those thoughts helped me immensely...that was the only thing of significance i can recall....

february seemed like an extension of the month that went by ... the oscars for rahman and pookutty and a bigger leap for a dear friend J.... we shared so much on the phone, and taking a leap of faith, she began a home based business. last month, i visited her and was so proud of what she has achieved single handedly in the last 10 months.... a lot of what she did was so close to my experiences, that it was deja vu all over again....

march was full of excitement... travel to ahmedabad for 10 days of a well deserved break with K's family and time for me to laze about and be a bum....oh and the shopping! after going easy for 2 years...i went all out on this trip!

I cannot recall April...except that i kept exclaiming hot hot it was getting and fearing that the end of the world through global warming was near....fretting over the usage of plastic...and hoping everyone did their bit...

May was a blur of boozy times....for the first time K travelled for multiple days without me, and i stayed at a friends house till he returned... its interesting how living in someone else's comfort zone makes you wonder how welcoming your own home is for guests....i was privy to the life of a single woman...and sometimes, i wonder how life would have been for me if i was still single...it was also a time of excruciating pain with my neck and shoulder pain, i wore a collar for a month and was in bed for a whole week....also, began yoga classes.....sadly, R took her life, frustrated with her lot, alone and disraught....we'd spoken a day before and she sounded "normal"... i still cant believe she's gone sometimes....made me realign and reassess...and thank god for His mercies....

June was a busy month, full of people...i had a friend staying over because she had issues at home with the family over her "not agreeing to marry the first idiot" she encountered, we took a trip to bangalore where all 5 of us shacked out at my mom's.... i got not one...not two..but three piercings done...the shiny nose ring was to keep me enamoured for many months!! we had a barbeque party on the rooftop of my mom's home...and i got a cook!

the last day of june was a story... a day spent in a spa with K to make up for lost time....and beginning July with a trip... with just a one way ticket to delhi, we landed and stayed at a friends place for a couple of days... moved on to dehradun...then to mussoorie....and then the mother of all....a trek into the Valley of Flowers at the foothills of the Himalayas in Uttaranchal.... It was to be the most significant trip i took this whole year....i am glad i lived to see this day.... sun burnt or not... it was worth every aching muscle....i also turned a year older....i got a new camera and a new laptop as birthday gifts from K.....we were to have a relentless stream of friends staying with us... different sets...for the next two months...

August brought the much needed rains... i was beginning to worry about a drought....it also brought amma to spend a few weeks with me... but with the bomb scares and all that... she was terrified and it took a lot of counselling from K to calm her down...

September threw the state into turmoil.... YSR the chief minister died in a helicopter crash.... there was chaos and confusion and lots of political mud wrestling...the rains continued and were much loved by me...i started another blog....Patrick died....i made some important changes to the way i wanted to work.... K and I slaunched something of our own.... we made an end of the month trip to bangalore that was such a fulfilling experience....

october was a quiet month for me personally although the house was FULL of people and parties that included masks!! i pottered around ... painted my coffee table and beautiful mosaic...made more plans for the next few months...spent a lot of time in retrospection....

november seems like just yesterday....K and i have been married for 6 years and i cant believe it has been that long already.... we had a lovely dinner where i dressed up and used eye shadow!!we had a few more impromptu parties....i tagged on with K for a trip to bangalore...i loved the weather at this time of the year

December.....was a big month for us.... K's little venture was doing something exciting... as fate would have it, I went with him to Kerala for an event...it was the most charming way to end the year... we stayed in jew town ... i've never enjoyed a trip to kerala as much as i loved this one....the work we did was very well appreciated....K turned a year older....i was depressed for a while with not being able to spend christmas with family and all the bandhs for the formation of the separate state of Telangana ... but i came around...made cake and murukku and kalkals and shortbread.... had a party with the most significant people in my life right now... and am thankful for the year that went by....

i think its an age factor, when you begin to detest noisy smokey parties... i have nothing planned for the new year....

for myself.... i want more focus on the plans i have...personal and professional pursuits.....a year that will be better and more fulfilling than 2009....

for my friends, family and all those of you who read this space.... i wish you peace and joy... may you stay safe...and happy...and may you be fulfilled.....

Happy New Year... lets have a good year 2010!

Merry Christmas

 

To all of you who stop by here… family, friends & readers of this blog……. a Very Happy and Blessed Christmas. May the peace and joy of this season be upon us and with us always….With much love and thanks for reading

nearly there.... but not yet

its almost the ending of the year... this year has gone by so quickly that i cant even recollect most of it.. also shows that its been a rather unspectacular year... if there was a word like that....lets just suffice to say that a lot of expectations i had from the work i was meant to do weren't fulfilled, that left me rather disappointed.....

this year actually just ambled along... of course the most wonderful memories have been the personal journeys.... but more on that later....

As i sit at the table this morning.... having my second cup of coffee and writing this, i think the single most significant change this year for me has been the addition of a cook to my household. I now cant imagine life without her!! she's got the temperament that would've made her a top HR leader in any company, no request too much for her, and even when she wants to refuse, she does it with such finesse that i am left gaping!! cooking has become a pleasure once more and no longer a chore for me.... and i love it that my nails and fingers no longer smell of onions!! she's truly had a huge hand in liberating my mind... i would some days wake up with panic that i needed to cook!! its helped me organise myself much better.... i now have a set routine for buying of produce, groceries, kitchen maintenance... and i love that i can choose to get involved or simply delegate and supervise.....

K and I have been on the cusp of a lot of things... he's moved into consulting after much thought and heartache....and those were some anxious moments we had.... as a couple, and as professionals. the company he has started has seen a fair amount of progress and i cant even begin to express how proud i am of him, and the sheer joy that i just lucked out in finding him!!

ok... i took a trip i wasn;t planning to...... am going to reserve all of that for a propah year ending post.... till then lovelies.... tally ho!!

on the side, i am reading anita jain's marrying anita... so far, i am loving it....

things to do

have missed home like never before.... the back to back trips these past 2 weeks.... i wonder if this is a permanent shift in my mind....however much my beloved maids look after the plants and home in my absence....i feel guilty for having left it in their care....i make up by going at it with gusto....4 loads of clothes were washed today.... a few more to go.... plants to be cared for....urgent repotting is done,....pots rearranged....shopping (meagre....am very proud of myself) to be unpacked and put away....suddenly, i see theres a lot more to do at home than before..... a routine to be gotten back to.... meals to be planned....christmas preparations to be made.... am determined to put up a star and decorations before the final week this year.... projects to be completed.... emails to be answered.... phone calls to be made....much to be done....

the week that went by....

am going to try a less verbose style of writing... its very popular in blogging ;p

*      back from a 5 day business trip to cochin
*      never seen so many doctors at one place
*      i know now for a fact that doctors love "free bags" any shape, size and colour :D
*      even the greatest companies in the world are no greater than the people they employ
*      the quality of your work is a direct result of the quality of you

*      the most tiring work is made good with the satisfaction of a job well done...and the company of K!!
*      god's own country.... i just wish you had children who treated you better.....
*      explored jew town... was amazing how my perspective changes each time i visit....
*      was sad to see the synagogue...slowly getting engulfed by the "indian emporiums"
*      bought the freshest spices ever
*      had the loveliest time at a charming place called Old Harbour Hotel...am so glad we wound up our trip with  a dinner here.... am in love with fort kochi again
*      no matter how much you love to travel, how fabulous the place, how important and successful the work...you missed your home, as much as she missed you......

vodafone sucks.....not happy to help

it breaks my heart to say this to a place that gave me much in life.... a place i worked in with heart and soul.... today i called up the vodafone call centre with a sim card registration failed problem....and far from being able to help me (they just told me to visit the store) the fucking assholes.... 3 of them, sri lakshmi, ramesh and some other woman calling herself the floor supervisor, had the attitude of the king of persia.... so rude and unhelpful that it wasn't funny.....and when i said i do not appreciate being spoken to rudely...the SOB ramesh actually tells me, he is speaking that way because i said what he had just spoken (it was so garbled, i only made out he'd stopped speaking) wasnt clear. the moron obviously didnt know the difference between screeching and speaking clearly.... the call was then escalated on my request to the equally arrogant, incompetent beyond words..... after not listening to me, interrupting my every sentence because i asked her to give me some indication of listening to me, neither my technical complaint or the dissatisfaction of the way the earlier two executives spoke to me Swapna Priya (the supervisor) repeated the same story that they had already tried the basic trouble shooting and that this wasnt a problem that could be solved from their end and that i would have to visit the vodafone store to have my sim card replaced. this is after i told her it would be inconvenient for me to visit a store as the nearest one was 40 kms away from where i was currently located. She reiterated that they could not help me so with no choice, i hung up.

the point is this, every provider of telephone services, will have to have executives who are trained in the basics of the most popular handset models. they need to be familiar with the menu options and how to guide a customer to get there. the phone i use is a very popular nokia n 70 whose menu details are easily available all over the internet and everyone knows that nokia is a handset which has the easiest and most user friendly menu trees. yet these three people, only read from the steps in their standard operating procedure and went no further. the moment i said that i cant see the options they mentioned (cos they were directing me from a sub menu and not the main menu) they asked me to go to the vodafone store, not caring for the inconvenience that would be caused, even after mentioning that it would be too far, and could they try some other options.... no.... i drew a complete blank.....so i hung up in despair.....

i then did some exploring on my own, and managed to fix the problem.

i called to speak to the same floor supervisor.... to tell her what i'd done, so the pig head could help another customer facing the same issues....  she very conveniently had "gone for breakfast and would return after 1 hr" pray i want to be reemployed by vodafone which gives its employees a one hour breakfast break... so that meant that lunch would be 2 hrs? i was then put onto another floor supervisor/ team leader called charan lal, who after much hemming and hawing said that the call centre manager would be available only after 2 pm. (i cant understand how a business works this way). so i requested for a call back which has been promised before 3 pm.

and oh!! how did i resolve my own issue?? i did what we do most of the times.... switch off the phone, remove the battery and sim card.... put them both back in and switched it back on.... it worked.....

that time of the year again...........

So, I've done the senti post.... I've also done the total recall post....all i can say now is... Damn!! where did one more year fly by? Were we flying at each other's throats, or having so much fun that we didn't notice?? Whatever it was.... it was damn good!! So my darling K (I will spare you the indignity of squirming from all the mush), whatever hit me on my head that i realized, in that one moment, of having known you all those years, that i wanted to spend my life with you, i just wish it had hit me earlier! Love you Sweetheart... Happy Anniversary!

for the love of solitude.....

is it karma? when you reach into your supply of incense sticks and of the many you have, the one bunch you pull out is lemon scented?

do you know it will be a long lonely evening and the extra chai you brewed will come in handy?

do you wonder who's calling the landline everyone knows you never answer when its ringing.... like right now?

do you think you have spent too much time alone when you begin to think everything is a blogpost?

do you cringe when you know cringe when you know company is on its way?? :(

liar liar

with all the social networking and updates on multiple sites....with networks of friends, acquaintances, colleagues and everyone else spilling into every sphere of your life... is is getting difficult to filter information??
_____________________________________________________________________________________

as an aside, i am watching pati patni aur woh on tv right now .... its time for the teenagers...and for once, the teenagers are more ridiculous than the "celebrities"..... oh and btw,....that babe juhi parmar is giving a whole new take to obnoxious......

domestic help

for those of us who need all the help we get to run our homes...and if you arent the kind of person who has to cherry pick every tomato you slice, if you rely mostly on the vegetable racks in the supermarkets and if your bitter half groans at the thought of weekly vegetable buying chores, here's some good news. especially for those who live in hyderabad / secunderabad, here's an online service that delivers fresh vegetables to your door step. i have been using their service for the last 2 months. i have been disappointed only once with the quality of tomatoes (!) they are very receptive to feedback and immediately replaced them. Just login to getthebest.com they accept all credit and debit cards, you can also pay cash on delivery. there's a pretty wide range of vegetables and they're going to add fruit very soon. they deliver the same day if the order is placed before 4 pm, and they're not anal about leaving the vegetables with the chowkidar/ maids. you can leave instructions about where they can leave the stuff incase they come by and you arent at home!!

Ever since this helpful pamphlet landed in my hands one fateful sunday morning with the newspaper, i realised how easy it had just become!! also with a lot of supermarkets offering home delivery for groceries ordered either online or on the phone, i am so so happy. it curbs my spending to what i can list down, since i dont saunter down the aisles picking up rubbish that wasnt on my list to begin with. Not to mention the convenience. Of course, if you would rather do it yourself..... then by all mean!!

So the next time you are feeling lazy about going veggie shopping and are thinking of cooking rajma again!! just log on.... its really cool!!

I've ordered again today and hence thought of posting this... will update this with a picture of the vegetables as soon as they get delivered.

mid blog crisis

Seems like i am not alone in my mid blog crisis. a lot of bloggers out there are expressing similar thoughts. So what is this mid blog crisis? Most bloggers start writing for many reasons, a platform to express themselves, to keep a diary, as a platform to update friends and family about their lives. Whatever the reason, we see ourselves here... we give this space a personality that reflects our own....we feel happy when someone visits and comments....atleast i do....

i started this blog a little over two years ago, i didnt think anyone would read it....a little later, i started Escapades as my recipe journal.... this was before the social media revolution with twitter and fb took over the world. I love it when people read escapades, cos that was essentially for the world to see what i was cooking up... Random Thoughts however remained more personal... i came here to rant, to bitch and to talk occasionally about stuff that was important to me....

there are two things on my mind about my two blogs (actually i have more... but well, we'll talk about just two)

the cooking blog, gave me a lot of stress.... is my writing up to the mark, are the recipes i post blog worthy, are the pictures better than sex... so on and so forth... this is just about appearance.... then there is the great blogging clique... the popularity contests... who's commenting on who's blog, who's getting friendly with who... which entries get the maximum appreciation and praise,  the hit counter... that little numerical widget that counts the number of visitors you have had....and ofcourse the various badges that tell you what your ranking is.....I started the blog because i wanted to.... i will write there as my mood pleases.... i've had several "well meaning" friends tell me how to increase my stats, get more visitors, leave a trail and make money out of my blog. To say that this has made me aghast on several occasions is putting it mildly... sure you blog the way you want to... but please stop from telling me what to do.... it gets competitive, it gets silly... it gets too serious for its own good and the joy that came out of blogging is buried deep within the posts.... A lot of the cooking blogs i followed initially have disappeared. Some bloggers dont post anymore and increasingly the ones that do have spoken about the same things i have just now.....Call me stubborn... but i am sticking to my guns... or shall i say posts and pictures that please me!!

Then there is the delicate question of what and how much to reveal on the personal blog... i know for sure, that over time a lot of people i didnt think would, started reading the blog. so even if i was in a bad mood, wanted to write about my work or the lack of it, stuff that bothers me, like the incessant "advise" i get about having a child, the reasons i dont want to, or stuff that i just want to vent about,.... will send people who matter up the wall.... and worry for my mental and physical well being., or interpret what i wrote and why...so over time, i have come here less, kept to the mundane and pondered over writing anonymously....

Then there is this larger than life image that we all try to portray through any social media that we are a part of, not just blogging... you know, the kind of FB updates that tell the world that we "love adventure".. i wonder if the same love for adventure would exist if there was no FB to update a status on..... so we cultivate an image... of larger than life, of exclusivity, or style or whatever the else.... i have met a lot of bloggers offline in the last two years.... there have been only two results... either the person behind the personna is better than what they appear on the blog.... or they are such a let down that i dont even want to read their blogs again cos they are so effing fake in real life.... yeah!! there i said it!!

So after 2+ years of blogging, i admit, i still dont know how to "optimise" or "monetise" or make sense of all of this any better than i was doing earlier.... i think my head is in the right place, cos i am saying "to each his own"

of all the faces i have

of all the faces i have, i find the one i that is really me, the most difficult to wear.....increasingly i am watching my step and minding my temper, speaking the way i think everyone wants to be spoken to....and realising that it doesnt serve any effing purpose in life....

after spending the last few weeks hiding from myself, i am done... with being politically correct, with being docile and accepting even when i know the choices i and the people around me make are wrong....if you dont like what you see, please keep away, i am not going to make excuses for who i am or the choices i make, simply because, i may not agree with you but i respect what you choose.

am on an upsurge...and this time i hope there will be no crutches....

Bambi - RIP

I guess no one will now know the love and spirit that she had. I am heartbroken beyond words to give you the news that Bambi got run over this morning by a motorist and succumbed. thanks to everyone who read this and spread the word to help find her a home.RIP sweet little girl...


does anyone want love in their lives?

This cutie with the most soulful eyes, hence she's called Bambi, is up for adoption. She is a roadasian (meaning Indian dog found on our Indian roads). She is also very loving and fond of Parle G biscuits. She's been given her anti rabies and deworming shots and will be bathed and ready for a home. If you or anyone you know lives in hyderabad/ secunderabad, is agnostic to breeds, are interested in adopting an Indian pet best suited for the Indian weather, who is resilient and who can make your day, everyday with love and licks, please leave on note on my blog or email me at arundati(dot)rao(at)gmail(dot)com

Deccan Chronicle uses images without permission.....updated with response from DC editor

I'd been reading about images and content being used in print media without permission, taken from blogs, online resources and especially pictures taken from online photo sharing sites. at Diwali i noticed pictures from two fellow bloggers being used in the Times of India supplement, i intimated the bloggers and they will take whatever action they deem fit. This morning, I was quite shocked to see one of my pictures being used in the TV guide supplement of Deccan Chronicle in a recipe for Hara Bhara kabab, taken from my flickr stream.

While I am quite flattered that one of the largest circulated english dailies in India thought my picture was worthy enough to print, i am absolutely shocked that they do this without any attempt to seek permission to use the image, compensate and credit the owner of the picture.

I wonder if the editors even know of this practice, or are actually endorsing it. I've written to A T Jayanti who is the editor of DC in hyderabad. Am awaiting her response.

there is a blogpost by Twilight fairy that talks of how she dealt with her pictures being published without permission. the issue has since been solved, thanks to her following up of the matter.

Update: the editor of DC was quick to respond. Jayanti wrote back with thanks of bringing this matter to her notice, saying there was no explanation for having used the picture and the “young team” knows it is plagiarism and they know its unethical (pray then, if they know it is, why do they do it?). Also with her sincere apologies, has promised to republish the picture in the next edition of TV Guide with credit given to me.
Everyone said this was normal for newspapers to take pictures off the internet and use them and that i shouldn’t make much of it, and just let it be. I am glad for the fact that I didnt. The question in my mind is this, is an apology enough? Plus lets just see if they keep their word and actually republish the picture with credit to me….

timepassing in the afternoon

what does one do when one is under house arrest and cannot venture to a public place that includes toilets because one is recovering from a very severe urinary infection? (yuck!) one cant bake, cos the K man is not eating anything that doesn't look like an idly, one cleans out and sort sthrough and reorganises one's wardrobe, one watches movies full of gore, one waits for emails/ messages even official ones!! and then when all else fails, one attacks the 25 yrs old cane side table, whips out the glass, washes it with pril and scotchbrite, lays it on old newspapers and attacks it with acrylic paints. inspired by this, its a far cry, but something that gave me a painful back and a very satisfied smirk on my face!!

happenings

its been a hectic two weeks for me. we made a quick trip to bangalore for some work. K, D and i. K & D have been friends for 16 yrs now, and this was the first trip we made together. We travelled by bus which wasnt so bad. and despite my moaning and groaning about bus travel being uncomfortable, i slept soundly for 95% of the night. the look on amma's face when we walked through the door was a kodak moment!! this was the most economical trip we have made in all our life! we focussed on the work we were there for, travelled by autos and didnt do any shopping! ok ok... i bought a few earthen pots... but that too was for work!

the trip back to hyderabad was very uncomfortable and i was irritated by the time we reached home. since we havent travelled by bus for ages now, i was pissed off by the fake aggression of the autowalas at the bus stop in hyderabad. i wanted to skin them alive. they shout so loudly and are so crass that it intimidates the passenger. the bus makes 5-6 stops at different points after entering the city and you choose whichever is closest to the place you want to go to. they tried intimidating passengers and making them get off and take an auto for distances as far as 25 km. K of course gave them a piece of his mind. but it was so so annoying.

back here, both K and i got a mild bout of flu. i was out of action a couple of days and so was he. being in the middle of two long weekends, there was hardly any work that got done. on friday, a blogger friend and family came to spend a few days with us. they're relocating and needed to house-hunt. i was amazed at the friendship we've shared. although we were meeting for the first time, it felt like we've known each other for years. their adorable son tho had no such reciprocity and refused to come to us for more than a few minutes! in between the frustrating hunt for a decent house close to the proposed place of work and incessant rain, we caught up, managed some shopping and even a girls dinner out after leaving the respective better halves to take care of the toddler! At the end of their stay, they fortunately found a place they liked and will be moving in a few weeks.

works' been good. i've been cerebrally invigorated. i am enjoying the fresh bout of energy.

that apart, i am loving the weather in hyderabad. for the last few days i am working from the sitout area of the office. the internet connectivity is way better here and ofcourse i get to see dragon flies do funny things! i have a lot of things planned out for the weekend. cant wait for it to get here!!

what i want to be when i grow up

its a silly thing to say this when you are on the right side of thirty..... but heck... i want to open a store....a handicrafts and garments/ fabrics store with classy stuff sourced from all over india, indegenously made and fabulously finished (and priced). there i've said it.

i went to one such place i'd like to own someday (soon) yesterday. i loved the stuff they had and the way it was displayed and the way the staff doesnt breathe down your neck. i want that.

the last week or so

its been such a week of ups and downs....some my own...some of loved ones...some i really dont give a tiny rat's ass about...but somehow still found itself in my ecosystem. all in all its been emotionally, physically and mentally draining. i wonder if i would have felt better if i sought refuge in god. i feel guilty to go and "ask" for solace. because i am so confused about religion and faith and spirituality and all the jargon that goes with it that i have practically blocked it out of my life. maybe its time to start rediscovery!

k started a new assignment on monday. i dont yet know what to make of it. i just hope and pray that he isnt as inert as i am. its been a difficult decision for him, but one i hope will give him the opportunity to showcase his brilliance. we did a bit of shopping for him last weekend, because the new place is pretty traditional and asks for a different kind of attire than what he would like to be seen in. it was very frustrating to say the least...and tho i love shopping i was so glad (and drained completely) when it was done.

his work also means that the whole household's schedule is upside down. everything starts 2 hours earlier than usual and the mornings are hectic. the lazy pace of things have to change. the maids are having the toughest time adjusting to the new scheme of things. this is getting on my nerves, deep breathing is helping here. i'm enjoying the few hours that i get to myself in the evening before he returns from work tho i preferred the quiet time in the mornings.

its not been the best last 10 days... hopefully the weekend and the week ahead will make us better prepared for everything else that's in store.

RIP Patrick

he was the stuff my teenaged dreams were made of... from the first time i accidentally saw him one afternoon, I was hooked, line and sinker....the love affair continued.....he immortalised what women wanted in a man...and made every man want to be him.

RIP Patrick Swayze

Who can forget your moves in the time of my life.....you were like the wind dear one.... gone to a better place i hope.... rest well dear one....

power or the illusion of it

YSR perished in a helicopter accident. sometime day before yesterday. it took more than 24 hrs to locate the wreckage and declare that there aren't any survivors. the State went into mourning and tho everyone expected mayhem on the streets owing also to the ganesh immersion which is usually a security nightmare, everything seemed to be ok. the political lobbying to install his son as the next CM has begun fullscale....

the man who had a strangle hold on the state and no succession plan (other than aspirations for his son) has left everyone completely shocked. its one thing to have everything under control.... its another thing that the next 100 people under you have no clue what they should do next.

while the media circus goes on, i think of a few things people may call inconsequential..... the mightiest, most charismatic, powerful guy went missing and no one had any clue for hours together of the whereabouts. in this day and age of technological advancements, this is pretty shocking. as a country we have no contingency plans, no process or drills for emergencies, no one knows who is in control, i wonder if anyone is. Crowds in india are a nightmare. Add to this a few hundered television camera crews and the nightmare becomes a walt disney scale 3 D gargantuan shinding.

the family didn't have the time to mourn. they didn't even get their few minutes with their loved one or whatever remained of him. they've had to hide their sorrow and put on a brave public show. this is the lot of all people in public offices. is this what they sign up for the day they choose this space?

the circus now has turned full circle. i wrote this 2 days ago and yesterday was horrified to see the images of the total chaos at the funeral. many a times it was a miracle that his coffin didnt just fall on the ground. people are firmly rooting for his son to be installed as the next CM. i wonder how far this movie will play out... just need to wait and watch. they're anyways going to put up a grand show.

wordless wednesday

i know its a conflict with the post title.... but i liked the way it sounds and it aptly reflects the way i am feeling right now.... the weather's awesome...i've just had a snack which included banana choco chip cake and am waiting for k to get himself out of a traffic jam and get home.... its onam today. So for those to whom this is important.... happy onam.... i made pal payasam today and i miss being with amma and appa for the festive food. was i a mallu in my last birth i say!!

weekend tales

its terrible tuesday. we had a great weekend. filled with love and laughter and much money spent!! isn't it always better when you spend some cash? hail retail therapy!!

the weekends are made better with spirit, food and music...not particularly in that order! suddenly all the new hip places to be seen at and eat at are opening around the place we live. About time is all i'll say! scrumptious restaurant cooked "homestyle" andhra food and a fun shopping trip, pictures taken over much laughter, giggling and cursing in a photo booth after which we had it blown up and framed. oh yeah, and much money spent in buying nothing in particular too.

back home, we spent another fun evening singing karaoke. this time the neighbours didn't complain. i wonder who learnt their lessons - them or us! dinner at 5 a.m? yes. and did i mention that the rains make everything spectacular? they did. on sunday we had a lovely late breakfast at lunch time and rediscovered the joy of home delivered food! rounded it all off with a rather  mellow evening spent in the company of Leo. 

i'd recommend having a nice weekend to everyone. no matter what is your choice... clubbing, shopping, spending time with friends or just vegetating on the couch....makes the work week so much dare i say bearable?

another blog

yes i started another one.... to chronicle in pictures my mundane and not so mundane days.

I've had inspiration from many photoblogs and decided it was ok to try and be not as impressive.... so really, am not trying to prove a point to anyone. i dont want to find my niche or anything else.... just post pictures that i have been hoarding on my HDD!!

friday !!

i've been blogging a whole week!! that's a first for this blog...or any other blog that i write! the more i come here, the more comfortable i feel... i was totally step motherly with this one...and just slightly better with the other.

its friday evening...i've had a pretty nice day at work and so some of the irritation from yesterday has worn off. am waiting for k to come home from work....and while he's still not here, i've done all the girly stuff.... dim lights around the house (he likes the tubelights on!!), music and scented candles on the balcony from where i am writing this...

its going to be a great weekend... i just know...whether we go out or stay in, i just know it will be nice and relaxing and wonderful... i hope you have a good weekend too. Cheers!

an evening out

A and i went out for a drink last evening. We'd been planning it for atleast 5 weeks now and each time, something or the other came up to spoil our plans. i got home a little early yesterday. My arm is playing up and i wanted to catch a nap. i sometimes just want to dissolve from reality. not confront anything, not solve anything and just hide for a while.... sometimes i feel like that.... hibernating...especially when i have PMS or something.....at other times i would have just given in and continued to sleep.

so we went to this club which has three divisions (yeah!!) the main club was closed for a private party (i think they just made it up because it was a weeknight and it would not be profitable to keep it open for just a handful of people...), there was a sky bar which had a jam session being set up and the third part was a jazz bar. this had a lovely view of the busy street from the bar stools. and perched up on the 7th floor it looked fantastic. an added bonus fairy light effect was made by the incessant rain.

i wanted to sit with my feet up and so we chose a sofa, ordered for our drinks and got chatting. A was just back from a holiday in sri lanka and was making me most jealous with all her tales. she met an old friend who introduced us to two women, who then joined us. after a while another lady was introduced to us and joined the group. I must say, its been a while since i have last spent any time or had any conversation with complete strangers. the whole thing, far from being boring or obligatory was so refreshing and interesting. Two of the women were not indian. so it was obviously interspersed with their experiences here, their views on the workplace, generally living in hyderabad etc.

no prejudices, likes or dislikes, preconceived notions, nothing. just plain talking, drinking, giggling and having a good time! i want more of this!!

playing make believe

k is watching The Deer Hunter with a friend. i can hear the dialogues and everything else and am blocking out the visuals. i have already read the synopsis on wikipedia and i dont want to watch this gut wrenching tragedy. much as i hate to say it....i love to pretend that wars don't happen. that people around the world are and free from all kinds of persecution. that living an ordinary life is all about not having to fight for the right to live. that we dont have to encounter maiming, mentally, physically or otherwise. So i sit here and listen and not watch. because the visuals are far more disturbing than the audio....and i can still play make believe....

handling house help

i know it must sound so bleh for me to go on and on about my domestic woes.... but what can i say? they seem to consume me! each morning when i encounter one or the other maid, the questions begin. Don't you just hate it when the first thing you are asked in your sleep filled stupor is to detail the tasks for the day or the menu plan? i wonder how K put up with my constant questioning for now close to 6 yrs. Is this Karma? While one has been with me for more than 2 yrs now, she still feels the need to ask me inane things. sometimes i wonder if it is more to show off to the cook that she's the woman about the house and has her finger in every pie of this house? the more i think of it, the more i am convinced that's the only reason for the sudden clarifications in the morning.

the cook just kills me with one question unfailingly every morning...."what shall i make?".... why cant she remember all the things that she has made so far and repeat? i have now told her that everytime she asks me what to make, i will cut 20 bucks from her pay. She giggles....and repeats....i think it is time to cut pay.

Even tho i am writing a blog post this morning about this, as Amma hustles and bustles getting ready for her flight back to bangalore, i fully acknowledge that these are the women who set me free. they run my home, do the chores, handle my kitchen and allow me to blog on the mornings before i set out to do anything else. they've also taught me important lessons. my first experience at becoming a better manager has been taught by the ones i employ. They've shown me first hand how praise and encouragement works. they've shown me how my mood affects others. they've taught me to delegate, to train, to manage conflicts, to trust and more importantly to let go. the last part has been very difficult. tho i didnt have too much of a choice but to get a cook. I wondered how i could accept something that was such a big part of my life. i wonder sometimes if it is some one else's life I am living . From being totally untrusting of people to do things the way i want them to be done, to now being able to extract the results i want, i think this education has been priceless.

like all other relationships, trust works the best. So does acknowledging and acting on your gut feel. i have never been happy with someone who gave off uncomfortable vibes. praise and motivation works. So does the fact that they are spoken to in a calm and even tone., even the most demanding of works gets done. Screaming has never paid dividends to anyone. giving them fresh food is a plus. While most maids welcome leftovers to take back home, they really are delighted when they can eat the same breakfast as we do. While Maslow's theory of the Hierarchy of needs is something that has proved itself again and again, most of us look for the same things in an employer. Stability, value and a peaceful work environment. Give them something to brag about in their basti, and you will have no "bai" problems. its easier to deal with the question of the day rather than spend precious time doing chores when you could rather be chasing your dreams....

i went shopping

i've had a wonderfully tiring day in a long while.... not since my himalayan trek have i felt this way!! Amma leaves on a jet plane tomorrow. back to the arms of her grand daughter. after feeling very guilty that i havent been able to take her shopping as we always do, we set out this afternoon.... by the time K and i moved our lazy asses from home it was noon!!

First stop was the GVK One mall in banjara hills. it is huge no doubt, but somehow lacks the persona i'd have expected from a building of this magnitude....on a weekend, was crowded and we had the most obnoxious bunch of rowdy teens for company in the lift which went up and down a few times before we could get off on the right floor. We headed straight to the Triumph store who were having an upto 70% sale. funny, what you really want to buy will never be on sale! anyways, i managed to find something i really liked and then we headed to Shopper's Stop...picked up a few gifts for my niece. Headed over to City Centre Mall where i wanted to have "good" chinese food so we headed to aromas of china. i really get pissed with unruly and ill behaved kids in public places. and cant for the life of me understand why parents stand around without correcting their behaviour. its almost a style statement now to have a bratty ill tempered child in tow (and hey, the excuse of "where else will they leave them" doesnt apply. Leave them at home...and you stay with them too). since all that fab food around me was calming my nerves, i managed to have lunch without losing my temper. the servings are really large and so we have dinner also packed and ready!!

once fed and full filled, we headed to the wellspun showroom downstairs that had a sale and i picked up some much needed fluffy bath towels at a throwaway price. K wanted to make the customary stop at crosswords, but once we reached there he got claustrophobic with the crowds and wanted to leave. i stayed in a line forever to get the book and cd i picked up for rachel billed. the next part was the envisioned nightmare! driving into ameerpet,, to get some cartoon / animal printed sheets for rachel's baby cot. we couldn't find anything satisfactory in the malls, so we decided the regular stores would be a better bet. K was dreading this, but thankfully it wasn't as bad as he would have liked (so he could crib afterwards). we went to my favourite shop for all seasons, Narsingh. its amazing!! the variety that these Mom and Pop stores have. they are minus the frills and hence can pass on the price benefit to the customer. this guy sells everything from fabric to readymades, linen and towels and you name it and he has it. he has 6 stores and together must be doing better business than a high end super store.

finally waded through traffic in the main bazar leading to our place, because tomorrow being ganesh chaturthi, vendors were selling all the stuff needed for the pooja and got back home. to have dear uncle and aunty P and N waiting to see amma before she leaves. nothing like a cup of hot chai to refresh us. and we aren't a garrulous family for nothing!! i am just so happy with the way today turned out that i came here to type!! i'd better go now to help amma pack all the stuff she has accumulated. nothing like some good ole retail therapy to cheer me up... yesterday i was under the weather.... now i feel great!!

inspiration

inspite of posting more often than i usually do, i must admit i am at a loss for words.... the last few weeks, for no apparent reason have been stiflingly uninspiring. maybe its the weather thing. the minute it started to rain, i felt so much better....i even posted on escapades!!

while i have been restless, my mind has been going berserk.... listlessness is one thing, listless and uninspired is quite another.... i wonder how the ones' who focus without any distractions do it.

growing up pains

i had both my balconies cleaned today. the fact that it has been raining the last few days hasn't really helped the case that i have far too many potted plants for the space i live in...ironically, when the plants get unruly and encroach each other's space and grow wild and out of their designated areas too, i cant seem to cut them back or trim them, or beat them into order. as a result, i have multiple pots of the same plants. atleast 2 of every kind like noah put into the arc!!

sometimes the overhang looks lovely and allows me to forget i live in an apartment.... most of the times, the craving to have a home with a 'real' garden almost chokes me!
while it isn't difficult to start a small green corner in whatever space you have, it takes a little time and effort to maintain it. i've always watched amma tend to her plants and take great pride in each new leaf. i guess it came quite naturally. but when 4 old yogurt containers multiplied and became what it is today i really dont know. i just cant seem to rid myself of a few. i have ornamental plants, flowering plants, seasonal plants and herbs for the kitchen. it doesnt just sound like a lot....
i kind of like to think they have their own personality and their life will take its course and that i should give them the most conducive environ to live in and not interfere more than necessary.......i know it kind of sounds a bit looney!! but well... that's the truth! what do you think?

zooming in

K got me a belated birthday gift..... a brand new shiny camera . i've had it for a month now and haven't yet posted anything taken with the new cam on my food blog.... i think i will just get giddy with excitement!!

K says i am zooming in on everything except the dustbin and the potty!! he's a reluctant muse and so i am clicking everything else that i can.

a friend of ours, also gave me a basic lesson on lighting and aperture and shutter speed etc and i am experimenting.....
funny how much you want something, and when you get it, its unfamiliar and scary so you stick with the old faithful!! more on that soon.... also my progress i will chart here... wish me luck....and yeah a little imagination too!!

weekend this and that

its been a week that i've been back. the week has been full of bits and pieces that make up my life... first factor to really tick me off was that the maid decided, since i was back from a trip, she could take off!! i leave her in charge of the house when i am away for 2 weeks, which means two full weeks with no work and full pay. all she had to do was ater the plants everyday and sweep and swab floors and washt he bathrooms before i got back. yet i come home to her stories of "oh how much work there was!!". i am very grateful that she is trustworthy enough. i am sick of the fact that despite asking her to inform me about leave (when and how many days) she (and all of the other maids i have encountered) doesn't. i simply cant understand why they dont get it, am beyond caring. really. as usual, she took off without any information and got back with a long face and a sob story and walks around with her head covered to signify that she has been very very sick. another thing i dont get. the "you need to be responsible for my health" chorus maids sing. they have free access to food in my house. i pay them a quarter more than the going rates. somehow i cant help but feel that the more i give the lesser it seems to them. bah!! anyways... no more maid tales... atleast in this post.

the sun burn is better. one patch on my neck is sporting new skin in a lighter colour. i guess it will be some more time before i begin to look a little bit like my old self. K too has a huge patch of molting skin on his arm and he's taken a fancy to peeling it off in the most disgusting fashion!

work's been good. its always nice to get back into the routine. also good when work seems to have missed you! the only thing was, for a few days, i woke up not knowing where i was!!

i've not been regular with my yoga. what with all the travelling. the yoga mat rolled up and sitting in the corner of my room beckons a few times, but not very forcefully. so am really not blaming anyone. the thing with my benevolent self is, i take full responsibility for my laziness!

on friday we went out pubbing with another couple. have i said it before? that when the songs you like are played on a "retro night" you know you've grown old!! we had fun. i just loved all the stuff they played and did a little armchair dancing!! stuck to my one drink per evening decision (on the days that we go out!!) the waiter was really surprised at my second order of diet coke!!

dear friend B came back from her europe trip (we were supposed to go together) on saturday and we pored over the pictures she brought back. she came bearing gifts!! a french coffee press, fridge magnet and an olive tree wood cross from the holyland.

Sunday was a lazy day. i cooked and cooked in the evening, but it was fun!!

while it hasnt been hectic, this has been a good week. only dampner was that k is still under the weather.

back on home turf

i've had a stupendous holiday. it was exciting, adventurous, tiring and full of everything i didnt expect. plus it was a long one! i will write about it in detail, but that's for later. lets just say, i am back home. badly sunburnt, tired, full of the memories of a magical time spent just a few days ago, unable to believe really how much time and distance one can traverse in a few short days but happy to be home!!

much joy as the holiday gave me, humbled me and awed me, i am honest maybe even silly when i will admit that i had the most blissfully refreshing sleep in my own bed when we got back!

the travelogue will be written and posted. it was nearly a 2 week vacation, so there's lots to be written. in the meanwhile, regular life is to be lived. bags unpacked, clothes washed, meals to be cooked and work to be done. also, battered bodies to be brought back to some kind of normalcy.

a slice of bliss

a friend wrote on her FB status "tuesday? bring it on... just another 3 days to the weekend" and i smiled. not knowing what the day held in store for me.

its been a rough and tough month for k and me. we've not had alone time in more than a couple of months. work has kept us busy and the weekends have been busier. plus we have constantly been around people which isnt a bad thing, they're all friends, but it leaves us no time for each other....

where did our spontaneous nature go? for the last few months it has been lost in the mundane....

so this morning, as i was getting ready for work, we decided to spend the day together. we booked ourselves into a day spa. a deep cleansing scrub, water therapy in a jacuzzi that had milk added to it ( i felt like cleopatra, K found it weird) and a relaxing deep tissue massage later... we were on our way to bliss.....

nirva spa, at the ella suites at gachibowli is where we went. and tho we chose it for proximity, i will recommend it to everyone. they know their business and practice their craft well. for those 4 hrs. they make you totally forget that you are in a busy city. it transported us to a more exotic place.... and i think that was the purpose!!

what a way to spend a day.... if you saw us today... you saw happy people!! i cant remember the last time we had such a beautifully relaxing day.

piercing!

what makes us do the things we do i dont know. more importantly, i sometimes dont know why i do the things i do.... after many months and weeks spent contemplating, and bolting out of fear on one occassion, i mustered the courage to get pierced again.... i have a brand new shiny nose ring.

i've been wanting one for years now... the press on ones never give you the same look and feel... last week, i made one attempt, terrified after i saw my friend got her's done, while she screamed and held my hand, wrung it so i thought my bones would be crushed, i chickened out. on the bangalore trip, with a couple of friends to hold my hand, i decided to try it again. ofcourse it did help that there was a teenaged girl in front of me who had about "no more place on my ear lobe" type of piercings and came in to do one more.... on a whim, i asked the guy to do mine.... then chickened out again.... then was feeling quite like a wuss..... gritting my teeth and holding the hand of my friend in a vice like grip, i had the piercing done!! i must say, it was less painful than i thought it would be, like a really thick needle injection... much less than having your underarms waxed, much less than having your nail bed injected with medicine becuase your toe nail got ripped out!! so impressed was i, that i got my ears pierced for a second stud...and actually contemplated a third one too!! waht did i tell you about my addiction to excesses?

oh!! and must i say it looks super sexy?? bringing me crash landing tho was my mom who was pissed, and glared at me!!

damn you!

i dont know if i am losing weight... my yoga teacher said i looked like i have....all i can notice is that i have dark circles below my eyes and look like i havent slept in a zebabillion years....

bah!!

still for weight loss i will live with dark circles!!

Learning to let go...

control freak monster and psycho hypochondraic woman that i am.... it has taken me an almost invalid arm to do something i was resisting for a while now.... i hired a cook!! yeah!! i know, having a food blog made it all the more difficult.... but i had no choice...and much as i wanted to say that i am adjusting to passably made food etc..... i would be lying if i didnt say "I LOVE IT"

yes!!

now with that out of the way, i can help make you green eyed and jealous about how i now go for a walk every morning(well most mornings of course), watch tv!!, call my mother everyday and dont rush her to speak fast cos something on the stove is burning, read the papers, attempt the crossword, and get served breakfast wherever i am sitting!

after months and months of debate, i decided, i wouldnt be any less the enthusiastic cook or diminish my skills as the keeper of my home..... infact K actively pushed me towards it cos god knows the poor man had an instant noodle overdose when i was laid up in bed. its not so much that i didnt want to hire someone... it was just that i couldnt make up my mind about wanting to slave drive my poor arm into numbness or have someone help me...

for almost a month, my regular maid, had pity on me and would roll out rotis (which was forbidden by the doc) and chop veggies, but on the days when i had an early day at work, or something else cropped up, we'd go back to ordering take away.... spending far more money than i wish to acknowledge....

a few things apart from having someone else feed my beloved k haunted me... like how would i manage two maids? will they get at each other? and in a one up womanship will they make life miserable first thing in the morning for me? will i like what she makes? will k like what she makes?

after all this nonsensical debate, i finally just called a few, interviewed them and hired one.

its been 4 weeks. so far, no one is dead!! she makes us breakfast and lunch. i rustle up an easy dinner once i am back from work. it has been so much better not just for my arm and neck, it freed up enough time from the morning for me to take up yoga!

while on account of the food.... this is where i learn to let go. tell myself that its ok for the food to not be perfect or for me to be less fastidious. that she can make what she knows to make and we will be grateful for the food she packs for us. plus that i am making far too much of a fuss over this!!

i enjoy cooking yes. and i can indulge when i want to, or have to. so then there.... i've said it....

of marriage and marriageability

what makes people put up with crap? i am enraged as i write this. i have been witness to an ongoing tamasha of the marriage market for a 33 yrs old woman in india since the last few years. a dear friend of mine, who hasnt had the good fortune to have a relationship work, who didnt find a companion from the online marriage market, a lovely, beautiful, hardworking, successful girl who has a never say die attitude. she'll make a great girlfriend and a wife. she is a fabulous friend. always there when you want to rant, talks rationally even when emotions are running high. she hasnt found anyone she'd rather spend her life with. so what? its sad, that her father is driving her crazy. what started as nagging has engulfed her whole life and she is tired of being jugdged only on the basis of not being married. things came to a head yesterday when she packed her things, unable to take the constant harrassment and walked out of her parents home.

to judge your own child because she hasnt "settled down". to tell her, she needs to be married to live in this society. that even if the guy is nothing like she wants in a partner, she should "compromise" cos she is thirty plus? and to wash away all that she is, as a person, as a woman and as a successful manager just because she hasnt yet said "i do"? what kind of person will do all of this?

and what is it with us? that we cant leave someone alone to decide their own course in life? that we always think we have the solution or the wisdom to help them make a "better choice". that everyone around us is not intelligent enough to choose for themselves? like so, what are you going to do after your studies? when are you getting married? when are you having kids? when are you settling down? that the next milestone will bring them nirvana? why cant we mind our own damn business? and who says marriage is the best thing in the world? that you are incomplete without it? i know of atleast 10 friends and acquaintances with relationships in shambles. so who the hell are we to judge?

i feel for this friend of mine. that she politely has to get out of conversations which finally come to "so...when are you giving us good news" when she wants to tell them to F off.... i really wish everyone, her father included will just stop breathing down her back.... you dont realise how much strenght it takes to take all this crap and still keep smiling.

girl's day out

it started as a lunch plan with a friend, quickly another got added, lets call them A and B. i thought i would finish lunch and get to work.... i drove to pick my friend up, on the way i picked up a couple of sexy tops, one each for the hotties i was meeting for lunch. after demolishing some fab indian food, B had to go back to work.

A and i decided it was time to buy me some footwear! we drove to a famed store that just put us off. whats with the garish blingy stuff? it was ridiculous. spanky new mall to the rescue, we tried on a load of stuff before i settled on two pairs of sensible footwear for regular office wear... regular but smart! we crawled around the place a bit... stopping to try on some make up. i am so scared of eye make up and my friend loves it... so she with glittery eyelids and i with heavy mascara, walked around a bit and then finally left. not before some very average banana bread though. next stop was a couple of designer dens. my friend A is a fashion designing graduate, we dropped in at a couple of stores of her friends. one was colourful and alternative and not really my style, an eclectic mix of kitsch boho and eccentric. some stuff like the accessories i loved, but the clothes were just not me! we hopped in next door to meet another friend. this place had stuff like what i would like to see myself wearing. lovely colours, fabrics and cuts. i mooned over quite a few and thought to myself that i would pay him a visit, when i was a few kgs lighter!! next stop was an ethnic indian store with stuff that uses natural fabric and colours. i was totally zonked out by that time and headed home!!

mondays should be made like this, friends, food and shopping.oooh and did i mention i acquired a brand new lipcolor from YSL? no? ok... i did...and it looks hot!!

yogaah!!

so yes... where was i about the fitness (or the lack of it?) and all? yeah well.... in the last few years, i have made numerous attempts to do some form of physical exercise. and no, banging on the keyboard wont count here i am told. i have a yoga dvd, of which i cant do most of what they're doing...i've tried dancing to filmi music... works but i am afraid neighbours will see me and wonder why i am acting crazy....walking in the morning... lasted a few days... walking in the evening... lasted a few more... aerobics... i found it too boring...joining a gym... the trainers were those romeo lecherous body builder types...salsa... lasted a month...and ah well... you get the drift...

for the last few weeks post the neck incident, i have been scouting around for a proper low intensity fitness option. every where i went, power yoga came screaming out at me because of its current popularity with the celebrities. tho it guarantees the fastest weight reduction, with my current state of shoulder and neck, i cant take this easy route out. it apparently makes you sweat like a very intense cardio session. so this power trip was off limits for me.

i now have found, not so close to home, a place where they will teach in small groups of 7-8, yoga to suit the individual need. after a phone call and a detailed personal meeting during which i told them half of my life history, i enrolled for a three times a week class. i told them i had issues with commitment... lets just hope this works!!

what lies beneath?

is a question i am asking myself today. A life interconnected because of a common set of relatives in between...someone a few years older, lets call her R....who was a woman when i was still a girl...who had a boyfriend and a seemingly exciting life when i was still awkward....someone who i kept away from with polite hellos even tho i knew we shared negative vibes... for reasons i dont want to share here and now....

thanks to social networking sites, i got back in touch with R... . we began to chat online quiet frequently over the last 4-5 months. With the stability and security my own life gives me today, i realised that she was as clueless as i was about why we circled each other with mistrust. i was in a safe place, safe enough to lower my guard and strike up a friendship with her. secure enough to know that she was just another person and would in no way make me feel inferior. because in the past, both she and i were very wary of each other and insecure in the other's presence.

the tables had turned. my life was more interesting this time around. and she asked, questions with wonder and appreciation .... told me how much she envied what i was doing....and generally made me feel, she was just another girl being friends with me...and that we do appear contrary to what we actually are as a defense to protect ourselves.

we'd talked over the phone when it got too frenetic to type. we spoke at length about how and why i made the choices i did. i realise now that she hardly said anything about her own. except that she wanted to do something of interest. i told her about starting a home business and all the possibilities it opened up for her. she was excited and we made plans for her to visit me at the end of this month, stay with me and learn all she could about chocolate making. at the end of that conversation, we did say to each other, how refreshing it was to exchange the mistrust for this new found friendship.... and we laughed at the silliness of yesterday....

R took her life yesterday. i still cant believe it. i got a very emotional message from her a few days ago. i asked her why she sent it and she said she was glad we got this second chance and that she found me and friendshop with me.....i wonder what made her do this. was she so alone and helpless? so desperate that she didnt care about living anymore? what was it that made her do this? except tell me her routine, she never spoke about her life....

a life so worthless, that you wanted to discard it? so unhappy with something that you couldnt share it with anyone? i dont know what else to write.... i still have her messages in my phone....

RIP

hiiiii!! how are you??

my market value has gone up since i joined the workforce again...people who once condescendingly asked me, either in person or through social networking sites "what do you do all day?" or "So, how do you spend your time?" (not that i did nothing? i ran a very successful class and worked as a consultant on project work...and wrote web content....and ...well did more than their sorry asses did in a "fulltime job") now want to know how i got back, what i do, which firm and who are our clients.

i now get resumes atleast twice a week delivered by email. and calls from people i wont even acknowledge in the street if i passed. All calls begin with a shrill voice "hiiiiiiiiiiiii! how are you? long time yaar!" yeah, like i didnt know.... these very same people who bitched about me getting better work, getting away with not doing much and other such "i dont know how she got there when we too deserve this" kind of sour grapes gossip..... now ask me completely amazed with jaw on the floor (this i am not so sure of because we talk on the phone) expressions of "how i managed to get a job in the recessive market when all support functions are facing layoffs?"

because i am bloody good at what i do is what i feel like telling them!! but then, restraint is something i am trying to get good at...and i realise that it wont score me a point to say this...the fact that they are calling me up itself is punishment enough. so i respond depending upon the time i can spare and my mood, as vaguely as i can, and then hang up. then wait for the resumes to come into my mail box....

i realise that i have been very lucky. to do the work i do and do it well. not many have that. Which means, despite not wanting to suck up to anyone, i still didn't have to call people i didnt like very much and ask them if there was anything available. i wont screw that up.... so i wont mess with my work. period. that should take care of everything else!

how many have you got?

a friend yesterday sent me a lovely poem meant for the sisterhood... you know...the i love you sister kind of forwards that i read and like and seldom forward to the 21 people and if you get it back then you are loved etc....

i dont really need forwards to tell me who loves me...the people in my life already do.......so yeah, while i dont need the replies to tell me how important i am to people, i wonder what makes the relationships i am in work? take my newly formed friendships for instance. in the past 2 years that i have been blogging, i have found some endearing people...they will stay on with me regardless of how much longer i continue to blog... and on the other hand, i look at the friends i have collected on social networking sites that confuse me. hell, at last count i had 293 on a popular site...surely at 2 a.m if i need someone, i wont be looking there! one of these days i need to run through that list and purge myself of all those who i actually dont know and recognise....i mean, yeah you add people for various reasons...and i've been able to get in touch with long lost classmates and cousins thrice removed....so its nice that way... but every once in a while i am reminded that i may be someone's "contact" just to add numbers and make the friends list more robust.... yeah...there i said it!!

i've had some of the most amazing people come into my life, and regardless of not being in touch with them to know what outfit they wore on monday morning to work, i dont think of those in the past tense. my best friend i havent spoken to for 3 yrs. when i do, i know the three years of incommunicado wont matter... when i need my 2a.m friend, that's who i am calling.

here's the line i loved from that forward of yesterday
....but it was a lovely poem all the same and it had this one line which i quote

Be the kind of woman that when your feet
Hit the floor each morning the devil says
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

things that made my world go round... literally

the thing with me is, i imagine the consequences of an action far too much, inflicting much more stress on myself than the real thing will....in the end...the actual consequences aren't as bad as the self inflicted torture!! ah well.... i am nothing if not a "self inflicter of pain"

work type of things have taken centre stage yet again, and i do agree with the quote i had on facebook by Rita Mae Brown " A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, its better than no inspiration at all"

so to make things worse, i couple this with procrastination and what i have is a stress adrenalin junkie's dream come true....but all's well that ends well. and while some important lessons have been learnt, has come to some kind of full circle too....

the neck and shoulder pain notwithstanding, i have given up wearing that damned collar. it is socially embarrassing and physically uncomfortable and that isnt the combination in which i like things. and so contrary to the advice of everyone around...i've chucked it for now and lets hope i will be ok. i am however sticking to the stipulated time limits for using the laptop etc. will have to start exercises soon....

that apart, the summer has been relentless...and it tires me to even talk more than i have to! (yeah it happens to me sometimes!) ... havent had good mangoes yet and summer's almost over... damn!! that's the one thing i really look forward to in the summer.... still hopeful tho....

i now have to go...with nothing in particular to say, i'd better sign off.

summer bummers

bah!! its blistering out here and wearing this damned collar isn't the easiest. K has given up his morning (ok! mid morning is more close to it) coffee and has something cold... juice, lassi or a smoothie...maybe on the weekends i can bribe him with beer.... he's taken to wearing his sun glasses even inside the house till his eyes adjust to the heat and glare! my maid is very happy, there are hardly any dishes for her to wash, there are more glasses than any other kind of vessels for her, food is hardly getting made....we're eating leftovers straight from the fridge because we cant bear to eat hot off the stove food....i am searching for summer friendly recipes for salad and other easy to do and minimum cooking required stuff....conversations in our home are almost in monosyllables cos anything more than that can send both k and me into a tizzy with the effort it takes....

We bought mangoes. far from being luscious, they were forced ripened and disgustingly sour. all that precious sugar to salvage them. i am going to wait another couple of weeks to eat them.

on another note, in order to bring some relief to my house handling, rid myself of tedious trips to the supermarket every month and prevent murder every time the maid tells me we have run out of washing soap, i made a visit to a hyper mart and stocked up on non perishables especially washing and cleaning agents for 6 months. shopping of any kind makes my heart go thump thump... under the guise of "for the house" makes it even better! the biggest pain was to find storage space for all of this, but its done... it did lie on the kitchen floor for 2 days, but we (mostly K actually) finally put everything away. Let's hope this twice a year buying helps. though i have been strictly buying only the stuff i have on my list, the temptation to buy needlessly is always there, multiplied by the times i visit the super market. for the perishable staples, i should now just use home delivery!

addiction...affliction and recovery...

Its official! I am a cyber addict. To pay for the sins of being an addict, I was on bed rest for 3 full days with no TV, no computer and no sitting even. For a few months now I have had this pain and tingling sensation in my right hand….ok not a few months, more than 6 months now…I always put it down to being tired and not being fit enough which meant bad circulation. When I began to sleep and wake up with numbness all over my right hand, I panicked and went to see a specialist.

The thing with doctors is, either they scare the crap out of you, or reassure you so much that you take them lightly. All that was to change when I met Dr. let's call him BC, a specialist in spinal and sports medicine, he took one look at my back and hand, pressed here and there and pronounced, if I could live with this pain for 6 months, I don't need to be treated! Of course he was being sarcy! He said that bad posture and lifestyle (read too much of computer usage and reading while lying down, plus some other abysmal habits) had caused the spine to develop some shift in the centre of gravity. Which meant the weight of my head was multiplied three times over and putting too much pressure on my spine…. While I will spare you the details, let me tell you this is a habit forming condition and needs to be reversed. First off he put me on three days of bed rest. Yes people, lesson learnt in the fact that life wont collapse if I lie in bed. Sloth is one thing I enjoy. But being forced to stay in bed is something else. You should have seen K's face when I told him. He was like "yeah I told you to get off that damned computer"!

It's a week now since I went to the Doctor, all the xrays etc are fine. i have this collar I need to wear to support my "strive to correct my posture" drive. Its damn hot in hyderabad and wearing this thing that makes me feel suffocated isnt the best thing that happens. But hey, for a head screwed right onto my shoulders and a relief from this pain in my arm, I will wear this. Yeah I also have to do some exercise etc. mostly it needs a change in my lifestyle.

So that it then people. I am fine, and well. just a little tired with myself. Angry too that I allowed this pain to remain for long enough for it to get so acute.

ahhh!! weekend.......

the weekend is over :(. i loved it..and am not so happy that it went away. sometimes, i cant decide what i like better, action packed or couch vegetation weekends!! this one was action all the way.

funny how much you think you will get done and how much you dont! also, how little sleep one needs when one has friends around. i got by with less than 3 hrs sleep every night and no day time naps! we had two sets of friends over on friday. sat chatting about single malts, books and management styles the entire night. the next day i prayed the maid would turn up and not turn back at the sight of the vessels that awaited her. she didnt, and i made her chai to keep her humoured.

two plays by an amateur theatre group were watched on saturday. it was fun, the plays. the second one elevated by the quality of acting. it did make me take the announcement of auditioning for thier next production quite seriously! nothing like seeking some spotlight. hung out with friends again post that. while i couldnt keep my eyes open and hit the sack at 5 a.m (damn this old age), k and my friend b called it a night (sic!) after having breakfast at a famous idli stall. while they slept till late afternoon, i woke bleary eyed to let the maid in, and then the sound of her anklets kept me awake (and irritated i may as well add). when she left, i couldnt get back to sleep and so put myself to use and cooked lunch.

i dont know how many people will see the sense in repeating the last two days again on saturday night. i know my maid for sure must have thought i was soft in the head. just pulled together by the big fat salary i pay her. fact is, we always have friends over on most weekends, and i am terrified that i'll be left to do the dishes. yeah call me spoilt if you like, but i hate doing the dishes, almost as much as i love to cook. thankfully i live in a country where household help is affordable (atleast for some more time now...). so while the weekdays see the usage of about 2 plates, glasses and spoons and maybe a pot and a pan thrown in, on the weekends that we entertain, i have almost all of the crockery i own waiting to be washed. so my first thought on a morning after a party is "please god, send the maid"

anyway. the weekend ended early on monday morning after hanging out with some more friends. we did call it an early night because it was a work week and our friends have a school going child.

i dont know if i felt energised or tired. i did have a wonderful time, so i felt definitely better than before.

long weekend

three days of a weekend. this is how i prefer my weeks, a long weekend, with a mid week holiday thrown in! one half of the first day is anyway over as i type this. i slept for most of it! damn the Tv and reruns of friends that keep me awake past midnight. while on friends, i cant decide which one i like the most, lets just say, i am in momentary love several times during each episode.

this weekend looks promising. we have a couple coming over tonite. tomorrow i watch a play with my girlfriends, and nothing yet planned for sunday though i am hoping to go to church. i feel the need for this, so i can calm myself.

the week that's gone by hasn't been the best. i am so glad to put it behind me. nothing earth shattering. but it gave me a gripe. much like some bad case of an itch, i could'nt stop scratching and aggravating it. i have been doing too much thinking....magnified by the fact that i seem to have no idea what to do next, amazed that something so small can be made a mountain out of in your head!! i've been exasperated, irritated, disinterested and angry all at once and more than i want to acknowledge.

i dont know what is causing unrest... ok, i know, but i wont write about it here. yet. :)

hopefully the weekend will help make me feel better...... plus i can always make lists to help me along!! happy weekend... :)