Sunday, August 12, 2012

break point

As I write this, I am in a way shattered by a few things that have happened (or come to light) in the past few weeks. when I wrote about crumbling marriages, I didn't for the life of me expect to hear of one so close to me disintegrate... it has left me quite devastated. I am trying to be objective and supportive. I believe no one should stay in a relationship when they don't want to, especially when there is no love. Having said that, it’s a different thing when it happens to someone who you know distantly. It’s devastatingly close in this case.... I had a meltdown the other day. Pulled up my car to the side of the road and had a good sob.... it was embarrassing because I was caught in the act... at first I didn’t know why I was feeling so overwhelmed....then I realised... everything I hold dear to me, everything sacred, everything precious... was disintegrating.... yes it was in someone else's life... but it still was terrible.

I pause a moment to think of the people who are actually involved in this... two people who have spent a decade together... two people who shared a lifetime... now are choosing to go separate ways. How terrifying it must be for them, how utterly defeating, how sad. And yet, hopefully, like a phoenix, they will rise from these ashes....they will find themselves, and find love and balance.

I have been thinking over the last few days.... what makes a marriage work? Is it love? It usually takes a back seat after a few years... and besides, love gets tangled with children and chores and home loans... is it children then? And is it safer to have them? So you have something to do? Something to talk about? What about those who don't have kids? By destiny or design? Are they more vulnerable? What then happens when you are just stuck in a rut? In a boring mundane arrangement that drags on for the sake of everything and everyone else. What is a successful marriage then? a couple who have not had significant disagreements, been able to smooth sail through life's arduous journey or a couple who have had difficulties, overcome them and moved on?

I spoke to a friend recently who flip flops. She has bouts of 'I don’t want to be with this man' and calls me when she does. When I asked her how things were after a recent showdown with her significant other, she said 'everything's fine. I am not about to leave him. I said this to him too... that if there is a problem, it has to be fixed. We have invested too much into this to let it go' both seem to be happy about it and I can’t be more glad.

I wish that everyone finds their peace.... but that is like a beauty pageant contestant's wish. I know it doesn't come easy. I still wish upon it for everyone. It’s heartbreaking when something like this happens. No one does it on purpose. But when a situation reaches a point of no return, cutting losses and starting afresh seems to be the only way to go.

I couldn't get over this for days. It has taken me a week to write this.... I don’t know what to think anymore... I just wish we all find our place and peace...