Monday, June 18, 2012

Reconnecting

It will be a decade since I lost my dad this year.... Its been a paradigm shift in my life...also the lives of my mother and brother. In these ten years, we have reconstructed our broken lives, shut out a period so bad no one wants to even acknowledge it and had nothing but gratitude for the life we built back. My Dad had 8 sisters. Most of them treated him like a cash cow as long as he lived and as soon as they couldn't milk him anymore, refused to even come or see him. Especially in his last days. I have always been bitter towards them for this, the way my dad was used and discarded when he ceased to be able to dole out money...

I've spent the last 10 years avoiding them. Its also a blessing that to begin with we we'rent very close with the rest of the family. So when we got a call a few weeks ago inviting us to the engagement of a cousin (my father's brother's son) I was in a bit of a situation about whether or not I should attend. The prospect of seeing these people I carefully avoid was unpleasant to say the least. Anyways, with Amma here at Hyderabad, that was hardly an option. She likes the boy, she gets along well with my Dad's cousins and she couldn't care less about everyone else. Sometimes I wish I had her attitude. 

So we went for the engagement, and the wedding two weeks later. I was forced to confront my uneasiness. I  would always feel apologetic for how we moved on, not this time. This was the biggest learning for me. That I had the strength to not be bitter anymore. And that is a huge weight off of me. I even extended an invitation to an aunt of mine ( I will admit she is my favourite of my father's sisters) and when she came home, I was able to host her and the family with grace. 

I have moved on and am thankful for it.

2 comments:

shilpa said...

touched my heart. it must be liberating to have moved on. *hugs*

arundati said...

thank you Shilpa. Yes it has been liberating in no small measure....