Monday, December 31, 2007

The year that was………..

Its almost the end of the year 2007….i am reluctant to let it go….. but I will…in the hope that the one that takes its place will have very large shoes to fill…I hope 2008 will be all this and much more…..

2007 began very small key….. K and I were in Gandhidham…. With his parents and we watched TV till before midnight and went to bed…2007 began quietly… partly because we rang it in, in small town India…and it was 3 degrees Celsius……I realized how little I had seen of this magnificent country of ours….i reveled in the small and simple joys of that trip…and thus began this roller coaster of a year….of which i had absolutely no expectations from it….

The trip back to Hyderabad was filled with tension that I didn't think I could survive….in bangalore, my niece Rachel Aradhana was being born, while her mother, my SIL C went through what only mothers go thru to bring life into this world…I was filled with fear and joy and everything else mixed up….a hope of a new tomorrow…the first of the next generation coming into the family… I cried and rejoiced at the same time….and for reasons beyond everyone else's control, I became surrogate mother to a baby so reluctantly that I had no time to protest…..the next few months were filled with what only babies can teach you……I realized that any illusions I had about motherhood just evaporated…..a person not more than 14 inches ruled our lives and had full control over us…we were hapless beings….fear and sleeplessness were my constants….i didn't know if I was doing anything right at all….i saw a mother unable to cope with her haplessness…that the mind is willing but the flesh is weak….her two bouts of hospitalization left her with little option but to be patient enough to just recover and take motherhood by its horns….. Rachel has continued to rule our lives…my mother can talk of nothing more than her…and everything else takes a backseat….she will turn one on the 5th of Jan and I wish upon the stars for a life that is filled with health and happiness for her…

K and I spent valentines weekend amidst a congregation of people at a socio-religious body….he was on work and I tagged along…what I saw terrified me like nothing else….the mahasabha on an auspicious occasion was like an orgy and Woodstock rolled into one….i saw people whipped into a frenzy of delirium, and realized that that state of being is so potentially dangerous to themselves and others that it was surreal……….i saw firsthand how the minds of others can be controlled……….

The next couple of months saw the dream of the coffee plantations and the restaurant die a slow but inevitable death….i was heartbroken to say the least and took some time to gather myself together…..meanwhile K and I took off to idyllic Varkala…that's not yet very touristy, but getting there….we had a fabulous time and were reluctant to get back….just as I was willing to submit myself to irrationality, it ended and we got back to the concrete jungle we call home….

This summer marked the first visit of K's parents into our marital home….the best part of this being that we spent time as family and I got to learn a very different cuisine from my MIL…she was the master chef and I the willing apprentice….

Around this time….i went through a very trying phase of not knowing where I was going…professionally I realized that I didn't want to work in a full time job anymore….but letting go of an income isn't that easy…plus the fact that I have always been financially independent and that is a big part of who I am was something I had to deal on my own…..these were demons that I had to exorcise myself….no amount of K holding my hand as I crossed the threshold would help…….in not so much an act of courage, but as a final resort, with my friends and K rooting for me….. I took the leap of faith and began my handmade chocolate classes…I called it Culinary Escapades….. who would have known that it would open up something totally new, unique and all my own doing for me?? I cant believe where I have come from that first class with 3 people in it….. I did 3 classes per week, took them out of home, offered them at two locations and still the calls kept coming…… this time, everything was all mine…the heart thumps, the success and the lack of it too….. it boosted my self belief like nothing else has….it made me happy and brought back so many things that I feared I had lost…. It also added a uselessly exotic tag to me….the raised eyebrows and glassy eyes that I almost unfailingly get is to be seen to be believed!! Ofcourse no one believes it is hard work….but what the hell!! This is something that I do for myself, and I am very happy….. infact I have been featured on TV and in a couple of articles in the newspapers….. so much for the trepidation I suffered….. in the new year, I hope to take this further, consolidate and add on the repertoire that I have gathered so far….. wish me luck…..

Around the same time I entered the world of food blogging….i always was a lurker…. Who trawled the internet food blogs with wonder and admiration….and then one day, I took the plunge…. I could never have imagined that there was a whole world out there who shared my obsessive love and nasha for all things food….. Today, my days are incomplete without my daily dose of food blogs…. It has made me more conscious of ingredients, methods, tastes and cuisines……it has made me explore things I never would have otherwise….and best of all, it even made me overcome my fear of baking!! Hurrah for food blogs…..and what they do to me….. never mind K's complaints that I don't cook for him anymore…. So 15000 hits and counting Escapades has become an extension of myself…..

The last quarter of the year just whizzed past….K began consulting…..in between writing his book….we took a family vacation after 21 years….rachel consolidated herself as the ringmaster in complete control of our lives…..i began to enjoy the success of the chocolate classes…..diwali was a test by fire of sorts, with the many orders that made chocolate part of my dreams (or nightmares??) too….amma spent the longest time of a couple of months with me….we could have done without her falling sick though…..K and I completed 4 years of marriage…..and we celebrated the fact that we found each other….

This year liberated me in many ways…. I turned another year older without going as crazy as I did the last year…or the one before…. I came into my own and truly did things only that I wanted to…I got in touch and stayed in touch with people who mattered….i think I have calmed down and reached another level as a person…. I don't hide from demons anymore….. I fight them…head on….i've kicked some serious butt this year and I am proud of it…..

I just hope and wish that the new year will be all this and much more….i pray for health, happiness and contentment….. I wish us all a fabulous new year!!


 


 


 

7 comments:

rajesh said...

As always, i will be standing at the other end of the line wshing that more of you gets unfolded and unwrapped, while you try and break all status quo's in the coming year and delightfully adding many more happy pages to your life and mine....

Always yours
Me

aparna said...

Hope the coming year is as fulfilling as you wish it to be and more.

Latha said...

Wishing you and K a very Happy New Year Anu! :-)
I've been a silent reader of your Random thoughts for a while now and I really enjoy the blog... i should also bookmark your food blog so i can visit often...
Cheers
Latha

Swapna said...

hi Anu,

I totally agree with ur coments on motherhood...count me in as another person to cheer you on...am absolutely thrilled that u have taken steps to fulfill ur dreams...cheers!

love
swapna

Arundati Rao said...

Dear K...love of my life....thank you...despite living with a crab, your spirit is inspiring....

Aparna: thanks for the wishes and i wish you the best for the year ahead

Latha: thanks for coming back to read my rantings!! its what keeps me going....

Never Mind!! said...

OMG!! I started writing an exact same piece in my blog and got lazy....at least you saw the end of the post!

Raaga said...

I hope this year brings you everything that makes you happy.