Loss! am happy about

So, saturday's at the gym are kind of dull.... there are more people in bed or nursing the excesses from the night before than on a weekday and so when i walked into the gym this saturday at 6.30, but for the trainer, there was no one else.... for a while atleast. since it was the end of the month, my trainer decided to do my measurements. Remember this post where i almost cried? well the same horror was to happen again. This time, i embraced my inner zen and went about it nonchalantly. 

i dont have the exact numbers, but i can say that a loss has happened! of inches....off my arms, waist and ribcage....i was ecstatic! because these are the numbers from the 9th, which was just 20 days before... the largest (!) impact has been around my waist... although i haven't lost much weight, less than 600 gms, i have lost a few inches.... that should keep me going for a while...also my trainer tells me that my endurance has increased...he times us when we do squats etc... and i can now hold a posture for about 40 seconds when earlier it was 10-12 seconds...

am happy with my progress...

i treated myself to a new set of gym clothes (which by the way are soooo expensive!). this month, my entire focus will be on eating the required 40% protein and getting 8 hours of sleep. Today's TOI supplement was entirely focused on health, exercise and how the body repairs... it was like someone was trying to validate and encourage me!

yesterday mom took me to our family jeweller and got me diamond studs for my second ear piercing... so far i have been wearing silver... i also gave an order for a diamond nose stud.... did i tell you she bought me a gorgeous saree for my upcoming birthday? its a melange of colours and its gorgeous...

May the good streak continue! Amen!

Mid-week

The rains came down on us yesterday and how! I was stuck in traffic from hell at 7 p.m in the office rush and after taking one wrong turn 200 meters away from my destination, I ended up on the wrong side of town, spending another 40 minutes negotiating ditches, vehicles, people darting across my car and my mother squirming in the passenger seat! At any other time, I would be swearing colorfully and getting completely worked up and pissed off. Not yesterday. I surprised myself with my calm demeanor. Telling myself that I couldn't get anywhere if I was to get all stressed. 

I did the best I could, negotiated the roads and traffic, took a few turns, made a few calls to tell people why we were delayed and reached safely without mishap.

I am liking this new approach. I hope it lasts! Wish me luck

Sunday

Sunday's are getting better. I feel so rested and ready to take on the week ahead. I was up later than my usual in the morning since the gym was closed. Took Sage for a leisurely walk and visited his friends in the next colony who were delirious to see him (and me). They played for an hour. Walked back home to coffee and fruit. bathed Sage which he loves. You should really see the way he loves being soaped and watered!

breakfast was at the in-laws. K had requested for Puttu Kadalai. So we trooped there about 9.30 had a lovely breakfast and sat around talking till noon. Came back home and just rested. Its amazing how much good a little rest can do you. 

K went out at 5 PM, Sage and I walked for an hour... 

The saddest part of the day was the rescue and death of the 5 year old child Mahi who was trapped for over 80 hours in an 80 ft borewell in Manesar in haryana. I watched the last bit, with little hope that she would be brought out alive. How is a child who fell 80 feet and stayed in a tunnel that has most definitely asphyxiated her have any chance of survival? the media circus was as always in bad taste. 

endorphins?

Remember the post i wrote about how upbeat i was feeling with the working out etc? Well looks like that isn't a flash in the pan. Nothing else explains the high I've been on for the last few weeks. Everything else remains the same around me. The chaos at home, the demands of the dog and man on my time, the routine, the food... then what explains that I am ready to jump out of be at the stroke of 5 a.m? and stay energetic the whole day?must be the exercise. I checked my weight, haven't lost much... but I know for sure that I am feeling better, sleeping better and am getting more satisfaction from each day. Also, I can now do up to 45 wall push ups where on the first day i couldn't get through 5 without feeling dead.... So, pat on the back~

yesterday was a milestone for me professionally. I overcame some personal hurdles and surprised myself at what i am capable of. I know the best is yet to come... I know that this is the beginning of a good thing... the Universe is working with me on this. 

today amma and i are going shopping to secunderabad. I am hoping to pick up some stuff for myself and indulge a bit for having been so good to myself. 

just so i don't take too long a gap

I have nothing specific to say although I came here to post something. Just so I don’t take another hiatus and disappear for a long period of time. This disappearance has been a pattern with me.

I’ve had a pretty good month so far. The biggest change has been going to the gym and as always, when there is something new in my life, I obsess about it for a while. It consumes me and that’s all I can think of until I have a new love interest! So currently, as in the past with mad men, or actor Simbu (yes…. Go ahead and judge me!), my terrace garden, colour blocking trend or even the dog, I am obsessed with circuit training and every waking hour online is used for this. I watch videos, read articles and am generally overdosing.

The rains have arrived and it has made me and Sage very happy. He for one has quit panting too much and is sleeping like a hibernating bear.

Yesterday I received something by courier and used my fingers to rip through the parcel, only to have an open staple pin tear ½ a centimeter of my finger. It is making typing this very painful.

This is the fourth day running when I put off going to the parlor… scanning my face everyday and loathing the fact that my eyebrows need grooming doesn’t help. Do you also do that? Imagine you look like a bear with unthreaded brows?

We are having ragda patties for dinner tonight. Hopefully my first time experiment will be successful.

I shall stop here…. Here’s a picture I clicked with my Iphone a few weeks ago.

This is the St George’s Church in Abids, Hyderabad. I went after more than a year… all because my mom is here!

Reconnecting

It will be a decade since I lost my dad this year.... Its been a paradigm shift in my life...also the lives of my mother and brother. In these ten years, we have reconstructed our broken lives, shut out a period so bad no one wants to even acknowledge it and had nothing but gratitude for the life we built back. My Dad had 8 sisters. Most of them treated him like a cash cow as long as he lived and as soon as they couldn't milk him anymore, refused to even come or see him. Especially in his last days. I have always been bitter towards them for this, the way my dad was used and discarded when he ceased to be able to dole out money...

I've spent the last 10 years avoiding them. Its also a blessing that to begin with we we'rent very close with the rest of the family. So when we got a call a few weeks ago inviting us to the engagement of a cousin (my father's brother's son) I was in a bit of a situation about whether or not I should attend. The prospect of seeing these people I carefully avoid was unpleasant to say the least. Anyways, with Amma here at Hyderabad, that was hardly an option. She likes the boy, she gets along well with my Dad's cousins and she couldn't care less about everyone else. Sometimes I wish I had her attitude. 

So we went for the engagement, and the wedding two weeks later. I was forced to confront my uneasiness. I  would always feel apologetic for how we moved on, not this time. This was the biggest learning for me. That I had the strength to not be bitter anymore. And that is a huge weight off of me. I even extended an invitation to an aunt of mine ( I will admit she is my favourite of my father's sisters) and when she came home, I was able to host her and the family with grace. 

I have moved on and am thankful for it.

Huffing and Puffing

I seem to have finally found a gym I like. It is small, it has wide open windows and there is no residual smell that makes you sick in a regular gym. I also found a trainer who actually has a well toned body and not one of those protein shake fed bulging muscles. In my (very limited I will admit) experience with gyms and instructors, I will tell you that the overly built ones rarely have any real knowledge of fitness and will have little or no flexibility or skill themselves. So for the longest time, I detested going to gyms because I knew more about fitness and nutrition than those instructors, and I couldn’t suffer their presence or worse still their advice. 

I digress. Its been about 2 weeks. I haven’t gone everyday but this week my target is to go all 6 days of the week. I’ve joined what is called boot camp, its like circuit training. The guy who runs the gym is the one I am quite impressed with. He knows his stuff, is very observant which automatically means that he will watch and then correct you if posture etc is wrong, can improvise exercises on the spot to accommodate your specific needs or level of fitness and knows when to encourage, insist and let go. In short, I should just sing hallelujah!

Yet, last Saturday had me terribly depressed and on the verge of tears coming on so strong that I almost couldn’t finish my routine. No, it was not the sight of me huffing and puffing about in the mirrors, the lack of trendy gym clothes or the fact that I am sleeping an average of 5 hrs a day and not really minding it. I thought I was doing just fine and for the first time, my focus is only on being regular. I have no ambitious plans... in fact I keep telling myself that any activity is better than nothing at all. 

They did a body analysis at the gym. You know, they take your vital statistics and tell you how much muscle (or the lack of it in my case) is in your body and what are the areas that contain adipose. How much is your basal metabolism etc and the most difficult part for me, what is the physical age of your body. It was 2 decades more than my chronological age. If that doesn't get you depressed, then you must be Deepak Chopra!

I couldn't continue my routine without telling myself that I needed to finish the workout. All the time picturing a 50 yr old me. And it wasn't pretty.... I came home and told K and he immediately said that unless the trainer messed (he used the f word) with my head, he couldn’t control it and hence wouldn’t be able to get to me. If he couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t be able to make me go to the gym day after day…. This in turn would come in the way of any fitness goals that were set up. It made sense. But sometimes you just need to wallow in self pity to be able to shrug it all off. 

I just told myself that I cannot begin to judge myself and act all cranky. I will focus on small goals which will end weekly. For this week, my goal was to workout all 6 days and not alternate days like I did last week. I am on Friday now and I am happy to report that I didn’t have to drag myself. I went willingly and am enjoying it. I am going to reward myself for every weekly goal that I achieve.

I’ve never been very slim, but I have been atleast 10 kilos lesser than what I am today. I used to be fitter when I was younger, but that is the gift of youth and metabolism! Also, I do understand that I will never be able to look like I was at 24, and who am I trying to cheat? I looked like shit then. I realise now that fitness is the goal and not weight loss. And it is about time I committed to treating my body better. Food is actually not a pain point as we have that mostly sorted. Most meals are freshly made, with choicest of ingredients, less oil and spices. binge eating is non existent, we practically have no snacks other than fruit lying around and we try and keep the consumption of heavy meals to the afternoons about once or twice a month. K's   amazing weightloss last year, taught me all of this anyway. it was just the question of being regular... i have the 3 day syndrome... i usually give up after 3 days of anything!

How to I feel after 2 weeks?

Actually quite happy that I found a routine I like.

Happy that I found a gym partner who is a woman. I have nothing against working out with a male gym buddy, but somehow, a woman gets you better….

Amazingly, I feel more energized and don’t want to drop dead at 9 P.M like I used to. I used to scoff at every one who pedaled exercise when they said they feel energetic and active. I admit I am eating humble pie.

I had a pain free period for the first time in 5 years and I worked out through it with no problems. I am usually like this, debilated with pain and cramps and want to only stay in bed with a hot water bottle. To have a period without swallowing a painkiller has been amazing! If only for this reason, I hope I don’t give this up.

Figuring out that if I don’t care for my body it will stop caring for me, and then that isn’t a nice thing to live with is the key for me. I must say that Sage had a huge part to play in this whole thing. Before we got him, I loathed waking up before 7 a.m. now that is a non issue, and so following a morning routine isn’t so difficult anymore….