explaining myself

I didnt mean to sound ungrateful in my post on gratefulness. i know i may have come accross as that kind of person who counts her blessings in kind... i mean, i counted a car and a phone in that post. I am grateful, for the love of K and the love of my family... i think i cherish them now more than i ever have... i miss my dad so much, despite all his and our failings... and the frustrating times we lived through, i think he and i would have been so happy to live through this phase of my life together... i try not to romanticise that part... because, it was perhaps the toughest most bewildering part of our lives... full of a lot of things noone should live through... yet it fills me with so much regret that he didnt live to see this day. 

it taught me such an important lesson. to cherish the people and relationships around me in the present. So i give my friends the kind of attention i would want them to give me.....and its not always reciprocated.... i have pursued relationships which sometimes i wondered why i wanted so desperately even tho the lack to attention was at low self esteem times deprecating to say the least... but it paid off. i am surrounded by the ones i love... i live in a home that's all mine... and i have a warm bed and hot food at all times. even on the days when i am feeling rotten and unworthy, the lord gives me home delivered cheese crusted pizzas to make me feel better...

so i am really greatful for all the living - loving things in my life... occasionally i am also grateful for the stuff that isnt living!