Christmas

k and i got back early this morning from bangalore after Christmas......as usual the fog in Delhi delayed the flight from bangalore to Hyd!! after many years we travelled to bangalore by a semi sleeper bus...tho touted as a luxury bus, i must say regardless of how much you can push back a seat, it isnt the same thing as being on a train....i love train travel.....the trip was much anticipated by my family and tho i'd have liked a few days to recover from the strain of organising K's surprise bday party....we didnt have a choice, with the 23rd and 25th being so close!!

its always the case when you are with family and worse so over a festive weekend, that all you seem to do is eat, sleep, eat, try to recover from all the eating and sleeping and then do it again!!

we also spent a tonne of cash...(as is becoming a habit) K dropped the battery and cover of his motorazr in an open drain and that was the end of a year long association....so we had to shop for a phone....and i had been hankering after a digital camera....so we finally made the committment and picked one up from gk vale.....i was so happy....almost salivating at my christmas gift.....i told K with all the travelling and purchases (some needed and mostly needless ones) for ourselves and the house, this has been one expensive year for us.....he just smiled and indulgently exclaimed...it has been a year well lived.....

so we touched base last night and since our car was with a friend rode home in a taxi...i sat in an ambassador after quite a while.....had a lovely night's rest and thanked god that i didnt have to wake up and rush to work......K has had to do that unpleasant thing while he left me at home to unwind, unpack and set things in order......

with Silus baby set to make an appearance in the first week of jan.....we're all waiting.....i hope she has an easy time......

the bestest compliment in a long time!!

yay!! the best thing that anyone can tell a woman who has been wanting to lose weight forever.....is "have you joined a slimming centre? cos you have lost so much weight!!"!!

(the process begins in your mind) i have spent months....calculating how much weight i would have lost by the present day if i had started a routine or worked on a plan since a day that has gone by...usually its a few weeks.......i have been imagining, calculating, planning, praying and begging in my mind but have'nt done what i really need to .....workout and control the intake of food.....cut to last week....i came back from bangalore after stuffing myself as i usually do when i am there and at my mom's place.....i have begun to face the perils of having my weight affect my health now and have had a nasty ache in my knees for a few months......its shocking!! the image that you have of yourself and what you really are.......there was a time when i had to buy clothes in the childrens section as i couldnt find my size in the adults....that was almost a decade ago.....but the rapidity with which the weight hits you when you are looked at and the shop guy reccomends an XL!! when people refer to you as "that plump girl" it shatters the best of us.....and so it happened to me......i know i am not a reed....but i hadnt realised that i was more than plump.......

so for the last 10 days, i have stopped obsessing about food....i am not cooking much to avoid temptation......it helps that K also is sick of my food supply!! and i have decided that atleast one meal of the day will comprise of idlies!! and the loathsomely lazy me has begun a 20 mintute brisk walk routine every evening!! the results are very satisfying......

saturday evening we went to a party and a very lovely compliment was paid to yours truly.....the weighing scale says 4 kgs...but i am unwilling to celebrate just yet....i shall not rest until i reach my targetted weight....and with all the christmas decorating that i have been doing....th knee pain has reduced a little...way to go girl!!

The mind going astray.......

i have tonnes of things to do....to straighten up....in my mind and otherwise too.......i realise that i am liking my solitary state...there are times when i wish i could be like that for longer periods of time....i am beginning to crab out when there are people around me....is this good or bad?? i realise that i can do exactly what i want when i am with myself......this week and the next always seem like the fastest ones to pass...when there are tonnes of things to do.....

i have made lists and then some....but i can never seem to go9 about them like i have planned out....the plans seem perfect on paper and perhaps thats where they shall remain!! the newspaper i spread out on the counter to catch spills while i am working always seems to have the one interesting article i missed out.....one thing leads to another and i lose track of what i set out to do....is this a span of attention issue?? i dont know.....i have christmas cards to make and post, the tree to put up, decorations to hang, a party to plan for, clothes to be tailored before the 24th...tickets to book, people to meet....and what am i doing?? reading the newspaper spread on the counter top!! yesterday this happened and i felt like the time when i was in school....the day before the exam is the day i want to organise and dust my study table and books...spend half the day doing that, then catch a nap that i cant wake up from and then panic.....

i watched "kabul express" yesterday....it was such a dissappointment......this was one that was on the airwaves for such a long time that it had to have me watch it first day albeit second show.....firstly let me say that maybe yashraj films publicity blitzkreig assaulted my senses to the extent that i expected a masterpeice....fault number one of my high expectations is something that i shall admit to......the cinematography is breathtaking.....the ravages of war make you cringe......but it ends there.....any thing else that you are looking for will not oblige you with its presence......firstly the script.....what was the writer thinking about?? in an attempt to give a human face to its characters, taliban, journos etc they make comic characters that are as out of place as noodles at MTR's...the corny one liners are so artificial and the most chilling opportunities are passed up for nonsensical dialogue......john abraham is seriously misplaced and has the same expression he had all thru a movie called garam masala....he looks and acts like the class dunce......arshad warsi is as good as the director wants him to be.....in the end you dont have an issue, you dont tackle one, you dont get your hands dirty, you fall flat on your face....and no there's no osama....the claims of which is what perhaps brought audiences into the theatre.....and no the attempt is not enough......to translate something of this satture onto the big screen and make sense of it all is clearly out of kabir khan's league......he doesnt know what he wants to present.....looks like all he did was googled for taliban and made a movie based on the search results......he needs to train with the most average director making documentaries for discovery or history or the natgeo channels to know what kind of research goes into tackling an issue of this sort.....of mounting a movie on it....pathetic....makes you sick.....its a joke......i must say that the producers have done a good job of selling the movie though.....thats why we bought tickets in the first place....but they'll get what they deserve......empty halls by monday morning.....this express aint getting anywhere....

I've been at it!!

yesterday was like a pilgrimage....you want to do it, look forward to it and something holds you back....yet when you finally embark on it, it seems perfect......it was like that with my chocolate making class....i have hounded the lady that conducts these classes for the better part of 2 months and finally made it yesterday....it was fun and all the imaginations of rocket science went where they belonged....out the window!!

today in a frenzy i accompanied K on his way to work.....dropped off at the wholesale market and armed with my shopping list, bought myself an awesome load of choco making supplies.......moulds, raw material, packing material and the works!! walked a little down the lane and in pure greed bought a tonne of christmas decoration ......i can do up two trees with what i have now!! got back home and surveyed the damages....there was this eagerness mixed with trepidation...what if i make a mess.....what if i set the chocolate on fire? what if i just totally flop? should i wait for K to get back home for moral support till i begin to finally do what i have been fantasising about?? all these questions going through my head and i had to admit i was dying to try it out....so i spread some old newspaper on the kitchen counter top......set up my supplies and begin.....i'll tell you that it was very scary to begin.....once i got the hang of what i was doing....it all happened very quickly....i made some marbled shell chocolates, plain mounds and one set with nuts.......i was very happy with the results but had some leftover melted chocolate.....so added about 3/4 cup maida, 1/3 cup cooking oil, sugar, baking pwd and whipped it up and set it in a muffin tray.....voila......lovely cupcakes.....i havent been this pleased with myself in a few weeks now!! i'm so happy....as i type this out, am waiting for K to come and pronounce his verdict.....!!

unlimited randomness and the ending of the year..............


no this wasnt the title i had wanted........this isnt happening to me.......i spent 2 hrs on a post and then lost it because i had disconnected the net!! i can cry right now........

i was musing about how it now is the retail segment, from the mithai wala around the corner to the huge malls that now tell you what season it is, time of the year, festival etc....that santa jostles for space with the dried mango leaf thoran.......that i wish this goes beyond the surface and we really become tolerant with faith/religion or the lack of it........

this year is almost at the end....what a year it has been.....the most significant is my leap of faith in giving up my job!! infact it is K's leap of faith.......its one thing to say "do what your heart wants" but another thing to actually support your partner in that journey..........i feel selfish and guilty by turns....but am loving it!!

amma's month long trip here was perhaps her happiest ever......even if i say so myself....we went relative and friend visiting, shopping (at charminar......it thrills me each time, bargain hunting and the stuff....whew) and then some, repotted the plants on my balcony.....added some more....i now have about 70!! made baby clothes (brother and sillu are expecting in jan) spent time together.....went to visit her closest cousin in rajahmundry in andhra......she's suddenly hit you with her 83 years...such a shock since i saw her only last year.....i'm glad we went......a grand lady who's the most famouse obs gyn with a frcog and has delivered half the population of the district....has been a sportswoman, been in a live in relationship and has 2 adopted daughters.....wow...she was always a lady to admire.........glad we spent time with her......

the one thing that intrigues everyone we meet or those who came over to visit when amma was here......the question that i was asked the most.....why i quit a perfectly good job.......well the real reason that i didnt want to do it anymore isnt good enough i believe.....everyone always thinks that there has to be some other reason....that i didnt do well, didnt get along with my boss, am pregnant, and better still!! the next obvious question that follows with surgical precision is how am i spending my time........well lets see....am busier than i was when i was working......i am cleaning the house, kitchen, cupboards, cooking, feeding people, shopping for everything i need and dont need, surfing the net, reading the classifieds section of the 2 newspapers i buy, baking, taking salsa and chocolate making classes, pottering in my balcony, making baby clothes, writing and reading, painting, sleeping and watching bigg boss, having real conversations with K, meeting friends, watching old movies.......and this isnt enough....well i never cared for public opinion....so i smile....and say, "i'm just relaxing at home"......this ticks them off further and i thrill at it!!

i have so much to say and i know that i am rambling on......i will be at it again for sure....i just think that i am so content right now....and thankfull for all of this.......

Girl................uninterrupted...................

The other day, driving down the road, we stopped at a traffic signal that’s in front of cyber towers in hitech city…..for those 45 seconds that we stopped there, I saw so many stories…..it seemed like a family to me….or maybe they were united in their purpose…they all seemed to watch out for one another….an old man begging….a group of young children…some of them as young as 4 going around the vehicles with rags….wiping them and asking for a few coins….balloon sellers, ear buds, toy motorbikes…..amidst all of them was this little girl…quite a sight she was, cherubic face, matted hair bleached by being in the sun so long…..something she wore that I couldn’t make out what it was supposed to be or look like….it didn’t even reach her knees…..she was dirty enough for you to want to dunk her into a tub of hot soapy water and go at her with a brush…she was skipping along and asking for money…darting between the cars….she was shooed away by a few, got a few coins…she sort of knew that the lights would change….cos she started skipping towards her refuge till the next change of lights….then someone said…look at her, she happily laughing and begging @#$%^……to which the reply was….its sad that she has to do this at this age….that she is able to do it happily, is her greatness……..it hit me hard….where it hurt badly….the lights changed, the car went into first gear…and we moved on………..

blogging on

I've been reading various blogs of people unknown....oh what a fanciful habit it is becoming!! a few known faces sprung up amidst all of this...and you realise, that the one life you thought you were trying to lead that is different from the crowd...is just part of it....the same musings.... introspection..... depression or its imagination..... dilerious moments..... saying a few things in cyber space that you'd never say ever otherwise.....humour..... insecurities....faith....

it also makes me aware of the fact that perhaps we find solace in the nameless, faceless existence of the cyber world....it never fails to amaze me.....

will anyone read this....will it matter?? dont know....

home in focus....

today is day 5 of official home making....since i quit my full time job ....i have been revelling in the fact that i dont have to live by the clock......in an unexpected turn of events....my mind and body have settled rather quickly into a routine that i have never had before....i have begun waking at seven a.m without the aid of the mobile alarm!! have one slightly berserk in doing a few things that i have been almost fantasising about.....one was to finally finish sewing my sheer curtains...the material was a year and a half old...bought on a trip to chennai....languishing in the cupboard....cut and not sewn...it was like a taunt each time i opened the cupboard door....i finally finished sewing them and hung them up....boy oh boy!!

another set for my bedroom and many compliments from the husband later, i decided to put the considerable fabric trimmings to good use, attached a bit of silver lace, and voila!! had a new set of lovely cushion covers for my settee....left me thrilled and wondering what life was i living before this??

have been cooking up a storm.....lately the husband has been complaining that i seek the company of the kitchen more than him!! tried a banan walnut muffin minus the walnut...not bad....also dahi vada's for sunday evening snack.....big hit....

gotto finish some knitting i promised mom as my contribution to a project she's on....as the famous Mc D's line goes.....I'm lovin it

food blogging

mind over matter or is it the matter of the mind?? i have been obsessing over food blogs for the last few weeks ever since i discovered them....(why am i always the last one to know these things??)

it seems like many people have met with unexpected b ut well deserved success at this....lovely....soon food blogs will replace recipe books will they??

i liked quite a few....they seem to have this online party amongst them....makes me want to try my hand at this as well......i have been cooking regularly with various degrees of success for the last few years...especially after the marital knot was tied......i enjoy it and have tried to do it with consciousness....am an incurably chronic food nag.....k will vouch for this...am surprised that plates of food havent been flung at my face thus far while i have been indulging in the act....of nagging that is.....one time compliments dont mean a thing to me....i am a firm believer of pavlov's conditioning....it has to be reinforced like a barricade, or super strong glue!! ask k.....he will tell you and how!!

but like everything else that i do, i tread with caution...thats cos i can't handle failure very well i guess...i like to be successfull every time....i cant accept the fact that i cant do something perfectly in the first attempt.....i am my worst critic.....so i dont try radical stuff....things that may turn out inedible....so far so good i guess....i've barely had a disaster apart from the brick that was meant to be a cake......charred veggies that didnt know what they were before they got into the pan........

am off now to seek some more food blogging inspiration.....

I want to break free

the decision that i was toying with for quite a while has been made finally......i am going to give up my full time job.... finally after returning from my 16 day personal cum business trip to bangalore and pune....

in bangalore i realised what little time i was spending with amma....how she enjoyed my company....no one has made me feel so wanted ever....for whatever reasons....sought my opinion, revelled in my achievements, praised me and generally made me feel like i was one of a kind......

i also suddenly felt a little suspended...with little to do but relax at home....i realised how much the routine run during the week contributed to giving my life purpose....and I didnt exactly like what i was seeing....it is a state of being.....not your entire being....

its something that i have been thinking of for a while and the last project i wanted to finish before i called it a day at my current workplace, and was able to wrap it up nicely in pune......

i was asked the same questions in the retention bid...i said that same things.....

this decision is important to me because it is going to shape the future that i see for myself....it will give me the time to do the things that i currently want to do..... build something for myself that is just mine...reflects most of me....and i hoep i will have the strenght to discover myself more than ever before.....it takes a lot of courage to tell yourself the truth....

i want to write, read, sew, try my hand at several things.....join a dance class, a theatre group....learn pottery.....and think....enjoy some peace and quiet....forget about swiping my card a few minutes late....spend a few more minutes in bed...have a bath in the afternoon!!

i'm thankful that i have the liberty to pursue this.....i know it will put too much pressure on k...especially now...i am grateful that the burden of being the provider isnt on me ..... i love him for this unconditional love...because i know it takes courage to tell a person to spread their wings and take flight....

i may not be successful in my pursuit...i'd rather die trying.....

Random Thoughts

oh it has been a long while hasnt it?? and that i havent posted anything is that i have had nothing in particular to say....from may to now has been quite a while....time spent with a lovely freind who was in town for a vacation.....conversations that the technological world cant facilitate...the look in our eyes when we connected without words...the girly gossip and giggles...of dreams untold and a future unseen..... a trip to see my mom and hopefully nurse her back to better eyesight....an idyllic 10 days well earned and well spent with her.... walks with the dog....liesurely lunches and catching up with friends who i havent seen in a couple of years.....

then duty called me to the dusty and bad roads that infest this city called pune....what a let down....the ride to and from work wasnt bumpy...it was like a roller coaster ride aiming for a slipped disc....comonly pluses were that i got to spend some time with another close friend that i hadnt seen or spoken with in years and a job well done..... for the joy that this gave me i can brave the overrated city called pune once more....

coming back home to hyderabad was never sweeter...ofcourse that i say everytime i head back home.....but believe me, even a ticket bought on a wrong date wasnt going to diter me from heading home....a nd thank god for a husband who is captain cool.....i'd have had a hysterical fit had it not been for him to take charge of things....womens liberation i am a believer of, but this was one time i was glad to just let someone else take the lead......

back home to hyderabad, a withering balcony garden and a hamper full of dirty clothes welcomed me....but like i said ....i'd have gladly embraced anything to welcome me home.....

Random Thoughts

to see so many people blogging is great.... its also preposterous for me like rahul bose said in his blog that people will actually read this!!

today i have spent almost vegetating and this because i wasnt able to shake off an almost obsessive surfing bout which led me to read up on the life and times of so many people is showbiz..... its like a frenzied activity..... one page leads to another and before you know it you are sucked into it.....

i was surfing for stuff written by indian celebrities and came across the bbc articles by preity zinta......

came across this fabulous site that can convert any value into anything else.... its called www.onlineconversion.com its too cool....

its been breezy today and i hope it rains and gives us some respite from the harsh hyderabadi heat.......

till the next time then.............

Random Thoughts

arundati

Random Thoughts

i've been reading about the Narmada Bachao Andolan because it has been in the news the past few weeks. i have as a result of this been reading the article by my namesake, Arundhati Roy...... it is gut wrenching to say the least.... the details are many and minute... and the research and passion that have gome into writing it are undeniable. what remains though is the issue which i had a very vague idea about. ensconced as we are in our terribly antiseptic urban life, and for most of us this will remain another "news item", i wish we would take the time to read up and sign our support. the www.narmada.org gives lots of info on this.

Since this is the very first time i am using my brand new blog, I am still getting the hang of it!! I wanted to post this message on this cool new site called www.nagfans.nowpos.com its a fansite for the telugu superstar Nagarjuna that is incredibly voice enabled. Any user can create an id and if you have a headset & mic you can leave a message for the actor..... i should know cos he replied to me personally...... its too cool