the decision that i was toying with for quite a while has been made finally......i am going to give up my full time job.... finally after returning from my 16 day personal cum business trip to bangalore and pune....
in bangalore i realised what little time i was spending with amma....how she enjoyed my company....no one has made me feel so wanted ever....for whatever reasons....sought my opinion, revelled in my achievements, praised me and generally made me feel like i was one of a kind......
i also suddenly felt a little suspended...with little to do but relax at home....i realised how much the routine run during the week contributed to giving my life purpose....and I didnt exactly like what i was seeing....it is a state of being.....not your entire being....
its something that i have been thinking of for a while and the last project i wanted to finish before i called it a day at my current workplace, and was able to wrap it up nicely in pune......
i was asked the same questions in the retention bid...i said that same things.....
this decision is important to me because it is going to shape the future that i see for myself....it will give me the time to do the things that i currently want to do..... build something for myself that is just mine...reflects most of me....and i hoep i will have the strenght to discover myself more than ever before.....it takes a lot of courage to tell yourself the truth....
i want to write, read, sew, try my hand at several things.....join a dance class, a theatre group....learn pottery.....and think....enjoy some peace and quiet....forget about swiping my card a few minutes late....spend a few more minutes in bed...have a bath in the afternoon!!
i'm thankful that i have the liberty to pursue this.....i know it will put too much pressure on k...especially now...i am grateful that the burden of being the provider isnt on me ..... i love him for this unconditional love...because i know it takes courage to tell a person to spread their wings and take flight....
i may not be successful in my pursuit...i'd rather die trying.....
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