unfamiliar place!!

after what seems like ages, i am at office today ... laptop in tow, so i could work on a workbook for an upcoming program... after lunch, i tried logging on to facebook.... it said, you are logging in from an unfamiliar place, answer the security question to get access to your account!! i almost fell off my chair!! Has it really been that long??

cancelled

for the second time in about 6 months, K and i had to cancel a holiday plan last minute. We spent a whole night talking about the reasons we could go and the reasons we couldnt and in the end, the reasons we couldnt go outweighed the ones that said we could. Amidst much dissappointment (for me) and guilt (for him) we decided that now was not possible. This is 3 days before we are scheduled to travel and so it was tough. With bags packed and spirits soaring. The most difficult was to tell our friends who we'd planned to go with. This is the second time and I didnt want to come away looking like we'd done it on purpose. K is a big believer in the spirit of the human spirit, i am worked up about many things - i dont want to look like someone who makes an excuse at the last minute, i am as disappointed as anyone else would be and i have the tears to prove it, i realise as the wife of an entrepreneur, these are the sacrifices i will have to make, i want my friends to not stop making plans with us because two of them didnt work out...is it a tall order?

waking up early

i hate waking up early in the mornings....even in my student days, 6 a.m was the earliest i could open my eyes and get out of bed. if i woke up at 4 or 5 a.m like any of my other friends, i would fall asleep again by 6 and would completely defeat the purpose of the early rise!! having said that, i cant sleep when its bright outside. So as a natural alarm clock, i leave a small portion of the window curtains pulled back, so the light streams into my bedroom and wakes me up.... i cant stay in bed after 7.30, even on the days when i have slept at 5 a.m, that's my curse....of course the exception being when i go to K's parents house. There i can sleep till 10 a.m and wont even know it!! the exception for this inability to sleep late is when i am stressed...i toss and turn and sleep for just 20 mins at a stretch all night... when K is unwell, or anyone else...when work stresses me....or some inane needless crappy situation in the family or friends circle....before a really big project.....etc...i can be up sometimes when dawn still hasnt broken... today is one of those days!!

there's stress....and then there is the joy of being woken up to the news that your friends have become parents for the second time....what joy and anxiousness melded into one!! baby boy goompa...an older sister is born....parents again after 10 years!! congratulations and god bless....

this good fortune should see me through the rest of today...

has it been so long

since i last posted?I have opened the new post window countless times, and then shut it for want of nothing particular to say, not enough time to type it out, no mood or foul mood (:)) .... its been a busy month of january for me.... most importantly i took a 12 day trip to ahmedabad and udaipur thrown in for a few days.... ahmedabad just happened... K had some work and it was way overdue... we had a nice trip and we took a short one with the family to udaipur as well.... more on that later.... i have been pretty listless of late... i feel an absolute lack of interest in most things....including food, which has happened for the first time in my life... i am trying to shake myself out of this state... but it doesnt seem to be working so far, more than ever now i want to write anonymously.... 2 things are keeping my mind occupied.... the plans i have for the gardening venture... incidentally i picked up my first cheque for this....and my photoblog....doesnt the mundaneness of life just get to you sometimes??

so much for resolutions!

so much for thinking i want to write more often here..... the only thing i am doing more regularly than i expected was to eat smaller more sensible meals, walk atleast 20 mins a day, take the stairs and take care of my composter! not bad for a self confessed couchie like me!!

anyways... workwise things are slow...a few trainings a month is the way it is now...good for me because i am getting so much time to work on other things that dont cause stress... speaking of which .... i did a prog way back in dec when the client was so sketchy about the profile, reluctant to share anything about participant background, agreed upon an outline...and then sends back feedback that the participants felt it was too much to do everything on their own (it was a complete activity based prog) and that they felt the trainer didnt know where they were going to apply their learning!! absolutely right.... what were they expecting? a 60 slide lecture? i would have thought that everyone appreciated practical application...apparently not... anyways, the feedback took more than 5 weeks to come, so not that i am judging, but says a lot for how we like to work....i wonder if we are expecting life altering changes to happen with one day of training....what about unlearning 22-25 yrs of stuff....

i've begun to have a fairly good amount of enquiries for my urban gardening venture... i've completed a few and a few more in the pipeline...am excited...and apprehensive too....collecting material for a website and then take a call in 6 months time about a permanent shift....

i've spoken with friends, soul sisters and i realise that the greatest wisdom lies within me... a lot of them... are kind enough to tell me that i am admired for who i am and what i have achieved...and i just cant seem to take that at face value...i always feel that compliments are unreal and that i am unaccomplished!! take about paradoxes!! now all i need is a little more self belief... but isnt that what all of us are running after.....this is a work in progress for me....i wonder how people think i come across as confident, opinionated (in a nice way i hope) and courageous..... when all i keep hearing inside my head is that i am insecure, unsure and scared!! a soul sister said to me on chat the other day.... you wrestle with trouble and bury it into the ground.... we dont...the words she used may be diff cos i cant recall.... but i was amazed... it was like she was talking about someone else... i thank god for giving me the courage to do all i have... and if i have come across as a strong person... then that's a huge bonus!

i also cant make out if its a compliment when people say they are like me... just like me... or we are so so similar (notice the two so's) because i dont see any similarity in us.... i've not come across another woman like me....with the same convictions, beliefs and weaknesses.... so then how come they see us as similar?? generic similarities in choice of movies, clothes, decor yes... but otherwise? and not just me... i believe every human is different...and thats why we're individuals! the only person i think i am similar to is my mother.... i think i am becoming more of her as i get older.... my beliefs are almost the same... cos i think that's what our exposure has been to life.....physically i think i am more like my peddi.... i'm looking more like her... and ofcourse i have her temper!! and now that i am seeing my niece growing up.... i sometimes have a dejavu moment....she's way more talkative than i was at that age tho!

there's been a lot on my mind lately.... i prefer to be alone rather than with people.... ironically january has been one of the most active months for us socially! i fear i will again go thru the phase where i dont want to talk and be my usual energetic self that everyone expects from me now! its too much to explain why you want to be quieter than usual....so i end up talking and bouncing off walls anyways!! 

we're leaving to ahmedabad for a week tomorrow..... its been almost a year... i am excited as i want to do some sight seeing in the city this time... i've always wanted to... but never have... and hoping i wont go berserk with the shopping!