Period Pains

again an unintended blog hiatus. a lot has happened. we went on a beautiful holiday to bhutan, K's family moved back lock stock and barrel and in a few days, mine will be here to spend easter. Bhutan was gorgeous... for some pictures, head over to the cooking blog. K's parents moved back to hyderabad finally after 8 years of  subtle and not so subtle brain washing.

I am typing this from my bed. am lying on my back, propped up with pillows, with a hot water bottle under my back. its that time of the month for me and today i had such a miserable morning. a few years ago, i didnt even notice when my periods came and went. all that has changed the last few years. this particular period has been very difficult. i couldnt wake up at my usual time this morning because of my discomfort and only waited for K and the maids to leave to get back into bed and rest through the crazy cramps. while i am grateful that i can take the day easy and rest this off, i feel so terrible for women who do not have this luxury. 

i am also grateful that i dont have a family that treats me like a pariah when i have my period. i have a neighbour living on the 3rd floor of our building and their balcony faces ours. each month, i see the young daughter in law, sitting during the day on the floor of the balcony and at nights, sleeping just inside the doorway. i wonder how she feels that something so personal is out for public view quite literally in her case. And while i understand the whole spiel that it is intended for rest to the woman etc, why cant she rest in her own bed/ room and the comfort of her home and not be isolated on the balcony? what if she wants to lounge about and watch tv? we once shared a maid with these neighbours and they asked her not to come work when she was having her period. the maid was more than happy since she could get off easily and drew the line when they refused to pay her for those days. her stance was that she was ready to come and work, they refused and so they had to pay her. she was not willingly dodging work here so she was entitled for her pay. i agreed with her.

infact, i think it is a time when i do appreciate the rest and all. and i do rest "if i need to". but i would hate to be treated like a leper. i would hate to be isolated and then told that it was for my own good. and served food like an untouchable.

most indians, follow some kind of ceremony to celebrate / mark the first period of a girl. even in our predominantly christian household, the hindu influence was unmistakable. i knew exactly what was happening to me and had my mom to talk to. I hated the morning ritual of swallowing a whole raw egg with sesame oil, said to strengthen the back and general health. and refused to do continue with the raw egg swallowing after 2 days, my mom too didnt force me since she was scared i would puke on the floor! apart from that, there were no restrictions and life was as usual. i was not very comfortable with the whole ceremony that happened at the end of the 5 days. but since we lived in a quasi joint family with my uncle and cousins next door, and every celebration from a birthday to an anniversary was celebrated with the same set of 2-3 families, we had a celebratory lunch. i did find it very embarrassing, but in about 10 minutes i was quite happy to be fussed about and we had a prayer, i was blessed and then the shower of some nice gifts happened. i also remember being insanely jealous when my cousin had her period because her family was richer and had a huge ceremony with 100 people and she had a gorgeous saree. i didnt for once wonder if she was jealous of me since her period was announced to the whole world. I do know that i wouldnt do it to any girl i know. infact when my niece recently started hers, i just talked to her about hygiene and left it at that. i didnt think she could handle anything more than that....

the whole flowers and fruit and clothes and gold routine, is very indian / hindu and i remember being told by my aunt to not go near the church altar for communion if i was having my period. very similar to the do not enter the temple ritual. i realised it was absurd and the same god i worshipped had made me, periods and all and unless i was dying with cramps or discomfort during which i would generally avoid stuff that made me more uncomfortable, i would not follow  these silly rules. infact no one needs to know i am having my period. its my business and what you dont know wont hurt you. so if any of you have this no touching business or no enterring the kitchen stuff, i am sorry, i may have violated your rules. i have been to temples, poojas and churches when i have had my period and will continue to do so. what you do need to be particular about is only two things, hygiene and comfort. 

life moved on as usual with the next period. infact i can vouch that i used it as an excuse when it suited me, to run errands and do stuff rather than have my family isolate me. even today, i use pms as an excuse when i know i have been unreasonable, K is the only one at the receiving end. 

in school i remember girls being embarrassed when they missed school and ashamed of themselves if they stained their uniforms and it being treated like a major catastrophe. i couldnt understand why we needed to be ashamed of something that one, is totally normal and natural and two,beyond our control. oh and the embarrassment of buying a sanitary pad. i had that too, sending out my mom when i needed it, mostly because there was an idiot in the store who used to be lecherous. i found a way out by buying my stuff at the supermarket, always stocking up so i can avoid emergency runs. the last thing you want to do when the hormones are making you crazy, and the cramps are making you nauseous, is to be caught without the comfort of a sanitary pad/ tampon. my years in a hostel refreshingly exposed me to girls who would matter of fact ask if you had extra sanitary pads, cos they ran out. if i do send K out to buy them for me, he will drive me and the store guy nuts with calls to ensure i have the right brand/ specifics and he doesnt make a wrong purchase and add to my discomfort. infact he apologizes that he cant share the discomfort with me. is ever willing to wake up in the night to get me a hot water bottle, tablet if i need one. i think concern and consideration beats any explanation that is given to force isolation on menstruating women. but like all things that have lasted past their prime, we are made to think that these practices are for our own good and due to our lack of ability to spot a good thing when we see it, we call it useless.

i realise that i was fortunate enough to develop my own sense about my periods and menstruating and i could practice what suited me and comforted me best. this isnt the case with every woman even today. there is no dearth of people and practices that continue to make us feel different in a not so nice way. every opportunity including a period which is the most natural thing to happen, is used to make the woman feel like it is a curse and her secret to be kept covered lest anyone knows of it, and yet is made to live the life of a pariah in varying degrees, not based on her comfort, but on the permissiveness of the family she lives with. makes me sad and angry at the same time.

Tuesday marathon

I went to watch the kings speech and black swan today....back to back again....
I loved the king,s speech....a story of an I'll tempered reluctant monarch who is trying to live up to the burdensome expectations that threaten to crush him...poignant, funny and utterly beautiful story of how we all need the love and support of people we trust to overcome something or a achieve something.....I loved the portrayal of the relationship between prince Albert and his wife the most....more an the obvious one between the tutor and the student.....silent, strong and supportive is how she is....
Colin firth is one of my favorite actors and as much admiration that I have for his immense talent....I couldnt help but marvel at the quality of writing that begets such a superb performance by an actor......

I couldn't help wondering when there would be a movie in India that did not make mockery out of a physical or mental condition......we don't treat so called normal people with dignity, so forget about people with disabilities or conditions which are thought of as disabilities.....

Like everyone else, I have no doubt of the abilities of Natalie postman as an actress....however to see her transform into a woman tormented by her own self is something else....the genre and the darkness of the movie is something I hadn't expected, because for once I didnt read the review before going for this movie...I did know that this was about a person tormented by her own self and the world around her.....

The film surprises you and is testament to the genious of the creators....however, it left me feeling very heavy....o needed a lot of time to remove the images out of my mind....it disturbed me that much.....I kept thinking of the madness one has to conquer, to be perfect or super successful...the demons one has to exorcise to reach a difficult goal.....I questioned my own perseverance or the lack of.....more and more I wonder how much we must value success to attain it....and once attained, is everything worth the sacrifices...if yes or no...who decides.....

Both movies makes you think more and more that no one person can succeed without the help or support of many people around you....also that sometimes it may be that the very same people around you want that success for you more than you yourself......

It made me go back to my childhood.....where everywhere around me, my friends and classmates had parents who drilled it into their heads that there was no life beyond being a doctor or an engineer. It left me confused....I wondered if my parents didn't care for me enough to guide me....as they always told me to pursue what I wanted...i wonder if the life I have now would be different, more focussed and disciplined if I certain choices were made for me....

Anyways...I needed. Lighthearted rom com to get my mind off all of this....of course...I didn't find anything so I watched some tv before drifting off to sleep....

this and that

• today's post will be in bullet points!
• have spent a little more than a week in my new home office and i love it
• its pretty, functional and is keeping me motivated to finish my work
• i feel like getting in touch with friends from the past who are no longer an active part of my life
• i know they (friends) arent in the present for certain reasons, but sometimes i just miss them
• am wondering if i should cut my hair really short
• its a few inches above my waist, but i wonder if i can chop it off till above my ears
• i went shopping today after a client meeting
• it was for my entertainment, i spent 4k in the bargain and am feeling very guilty about the needless expense
• all of that was spent on stuff for the house...this makes me less guilty than before
• i miss my mom
• yet i had the most random of phone conversations with her just now!
• i also miss my dad....am talking about him a lot more now than ever before
• i met a friend from college on the weekend...was happy 
• i am hoping to be more gracious about the heat throughout summer

talking about what i do

its friday and i am not going TGIF. In my case, monday, friday or sunday are all the same size and mold. you see whatever work i do which is little and far between, i mostly work from home... in my nightclothes till i decide to go bathe myself... so big fat difference the day of the week makes to me. in the past, i looked forward to the weekend, because that meant time with the significant other. Since he got entrenched (yes thats the apt word) in an assignment that has given him a challenge, a healthy paycheck and an associate he spends all his waking hours with, either in person or on the phone) he works all days of the week including so called weekends. so in a sense, i now have completely lost track of what day or date it is. it really doesnt affect me one bit.

so what do i do? i am a training consultant. this means that a couple of times a month, i don corporate garb and talk and train people to be better versions of themselves, or how they can get more work done out of themselves or others and how they can be whiny without appearing to be so.....its fun for the most part, which explains why i still do it.

for the rest of the time, i bum around. really. i didnt want to be 60 before i retired. so i quit the rat race much before i turned 30. i cant seem to be able to come up with a valid reason as to why i quit....dont get me wrong...it was a decision i made being fully aware of what i was doing, but my reasons usually meet with an "are you nuts?" kind of expression from who ever i am talking to...

even my mother, i thought would strangle me when i said i was quitting work. she must have had a mild heart attack that all that expensive education she struggled to put me through had gone to waste.

i love my time alone. i read, write this blog and two others, i sleep, watch day time tv and yes i work when i need to. i make decent money, i own a house and car and am debt free....so i really see no point in being tied to a job or a desk or anything of that sort. i mean,  i have no issues with people who love it...and some really do... but that's not for me. and i dont whine about not having a fancy designation or a company paid for trip. because this is what i chose of free will. ofcourse i am not superwoman although i may have come across like that if you have met me in real life... i have my days in the dumps when i want to stick a stake through you because you are earning more than what i am...but i smile or take a nap or do something else which will distract me from killing you.

if there is one thing that ticks me off more than anything else is that people cant get why i quit working to be a "housewife" i mean, even tho generally staying home is considered uncool, being a sahm is way cooler than being a housewife.... so what business had i to do this when i didnt even have the excuse of children? but its ok. i have ticked such people off my list of people to kill and ignore the questions now.

so what do i do? i spend a lot of time online. the significant other thinks it is addiction. it may be. i am a voyeur and i love whats going on in other people's lives and i like that i dont have to be productive about it all the time. so i browse, read blogs and read inane conversations about travel and movies on twitter. and the internet has made it so easy to follow the goings on in other people's lives minute by minute...and mostly they want you to know what they've been upto so they make all the information easy to access anyway.

i read a lot online.... interiors, decor, photography theres such a wealth of information on happenings and techniques that is available for free online. also foreign newspapers and publications.... and it gives me a kick to use information i picked up online in conversations... like telling someone that damask was very in right now as a decorating trend.... or that owl motifs are hot accessories.... or that nothing can take away from linen in a tropical country...or that some obscure herb from south america can actually be sourced in hyderabad now in a secret little shop. some of this information is useful. some isnt. but its all there.

i have two balconies teeming with assorted plants, some vegetables and other stuff...i potter around and tend to them. i keep a super neat and efficient house. but this was true even when i was working fulltime. if you come home unannounced, i will not be scampering to neaten up or sending out for food. that's a promise.

i also am 'learning' photography. so you will find inane objects and sometimes people being subjected to my shooting! which also translates into a lot of time spent reading and practicing.

i used to use cooking and baking as therapy. but when the k man decided he had imposed a blanket ban on carbs after a certain time (and look what it did to him! lost him 44 kgs!) i kindof have lost interest in that too. i  leave the mundane everyday cooking to Renuka. she'll never be in the same vicinity as i am as a cook, but she puts edible and familiar stuff on the table and we're ok with that. but when we have guests, or my mother comes to visit, or i am feeling particularly happy, i don the apron to show off a bit.... (what? i never claimed modesty as one of my virtues)

i cant imagine what i will do when i really get older... i am talking 50's and 60's if i live to see the day. because i have gotten used to my free time...and my bumming around.... i have been spoiled to go back to the desk and the grind. i always said i dreamt of being a beach bum.... well...i think i am living my dream ... minus the beach, but i will get there.

stuttering

its the third week of the new year and i have been unable to write anything here yet.... i come here and go back, without posting and with over half a dozen drafts in my files.... its been busy mostly. with most days spent at home in the company of amma who came here on the last day of last year, time spent with N, i must say i miss her terribly now that she's gone back to la la land....shopping, chatting and eating and just hanging out.....just typing this here is making me nostalgic...finally dividing the spoils of the war...errr the sale proceeds of sugar n spice between me and A and i am flush with money which is a good thing cos i havent earned a penny since dec and it was making me very depressed....my in laws were here househunting and that was a hectic week again... they left yesterday night....mom and the IL's got along like a house on fire but that will be fodder for another post when i have the time and the inclination.....i am so relieved they found an apt they liked and finished paying the advance for it....cos it was like a see saw for a while and moments of tension.... more later, when i am not stuttering and can be more coherant....