Goan Diary – IV Happy Birthday Amma

23^rd Sept – amma’s walked this earth for 70 years!! and what a life it has been…..Happy Birthday Dear Mommy…..

I slept fitfully……disturbed by K’s body burning with fever lying next to me….and the occasional grunts…..we woke up and ordered coffee…..a few hours later, had breakfast with everyone else by the pool…..but it was evident that we wouldn’t be up to the trip to the Church of St. Francis…..i didn’t want to leave him alone at the hotel and he was in no state to come along….it would have just made him worse…..so we stayed put at the hotel while the rest of them went to the church…..had lunch and returned in the late afternoon…..K and I watched Apne….triple dozed on the deols, with beer for me and hot sweet corn soup for K!!

In the evening, I got over my self-consciousness to splash around in the pool…..i did spend a few hours wishing the ones who were in the pool and lounging around it would buzz off….when they didn’t, I just mustered up my courage and jumped in…..i always tell myself, they’ll possibly never see me again…..and mostly aren’t as obsessed with my cellulite as I am…..sometimes it works, some times I have to work at it!! this day sort of established a pattern with me…..drink, eat, exhaust yourself in the pool till you feel you can drink and eat without too much guilt to ruin the food experience…..my brother would want to add here that there wasn’t much of a food experience in my case anyways, but I would prefer not to give him that privilege…

We got dressed for dinner at eight, and headed straight to souza lobo’s …… this time there was a young duo of musicians….singing country numbers…..some completely off key, but they were so earnest that we clapped enough for them to whisper “thank you….thank you ladies and gentlemen” at the end of each one….. Souza Lobo’s was also good enough to arrange for a cake for us….. so we ate and drank, talked and laughed and spent a wonderful evening…..i took a minute to thank God for my mother’s life….all that she is…..and we watched her cut her birthday cake with her granddaughter…..sang happy birthday for her at our table because the band forgot our request and was singing a number from roxette instead…..they couldn’t stop midway to sing happy birthday with us….but we had another go immediately afterwards, with the whole restaurant joining in (they each had a slice of cake for their effort)…..i think my mom was a little sheepish when she stood up to acknowledge their wishes……. I would like to think it was one of the better birthdays she has had……. Am sure she is nodding in agreement

Goan Diary – III “I waa waaa”

Being told “sorry you are indian” notwithstanding, on day one, post a lazy lunch, we made another trek….to find a shop that sold baby floats….because Rachel was driving us crazy…..this pint sized 20 month old, held us for ransom with her tears and wails of “I waa waaa” which means “I want water”….she doesn’t say complete words yet…..but the intentions were clear…..she dragged anyone of us that she could to the side of the huge pool in the hotel courtyard around which were our little cottages…..asking almost soulfully to be taken into the water….. half an hour of baby assault and we gave in…..finding swimwear and swimming gear in goa is very easy……that I am thankful for…… two piece bikinis, one piece swimsuits….and ghastly little frocks with an attachment that looks like cycling shorts hang from every shop that lined the streets of baga….thankfully I bought mine before getting there….and it was one piece (to cover my modesty) and black (I believe in the slimming power of black)…… no it doesn’t camouflage cellulite!! 

Baby Rachel in her purple dino swimsuit, with sun block that could double for whitewash dove into the water astride her little red float …. It was a contraption that allowed her to sort of sit in it…..like a rubber chair with a float around it…..the next few hours was a family video scene……rachel and my brother in the water, with her paddling away like a little duck, my mother delighted…..my SIL happy but nervous that she might topple over…..me wanting to join in the fun and urging the sun to go down sooner so I don’t look like burnt toast….and K slowly but surely getting a burning fever……the sun did go down, I did get into the water and splash around….and Rachel did topple over….twice!! but we pulled her out just as quickly too!! (thank god!! Cos all our hearts skipped many beats!!)

Exhausted, we napped till it was dinner time…..the most awaited time of each day….. Souza Lobo it was….the chosen destination that we dined at three out of four nights…..a testament to the food and service…..while my carnivorous family were almost delirious and couldn’t decide what to order for a long time, the amused waiter blinked at me a couple of times, trying to figure out if I was indeed asking him “what can you recommend from the vegetarian dishes?” but with all due respect, I never once felt I’d landed up at the wrong place…. Each item I ordered at each of the meals we had at Souza Lobo’s always turning out excellent….and not once did I have to resort to paneer butter masala and rotis!!

can you see the figure in the picture below....that's a ghost...pass this on to 11 people else badluck will come knocking!!

the guy on the extreme left is the gentleman with the fabulous tenor

There was live music by a trio, with an elderly gentleman with a fabulous tenor singing all the familiar goan songs…… the only thing that was a spoke in this wonderful experience, was my anxiety over K’s full blown fever.

Goan Diary – II – “I am sorry….. You are Indian”

The arch that welcomed us to goa, was a mirage…… we still drove around….round and round….. for more than 3 hours before we managed to find our hotel……I was falling asleep, sandwiched on the back seat of the car, between amma and C my SIL, who had her 20 month old daughter fast asleep in her arms….i didn’t envy her….my SIL, cos I knew her arms were aching from holding the baby for hours like that…..the price one pays for motherhood….i envied Rachel….who really didn’t know that we had been driving around in circles for the last few hours……literally wishing I too could crawl back into my mother’s lap and sleep like a baby…..

When we reached our hotel, I was too sleepy to notice anything but a freshly made queen sized bed….i promptly jumped in after washing up….careful to use tepid water so as to not wake myself up!!

We spent almost the entire next day till late afternoon indoors…..trying to recover from the long drive and prepare the body for the holiday ahead….a friend of mine and seasoned traveler advised me, never to go for the kill on the day you reach your destination….always rest the body well enough to be able to withstand the onslaught of the rest of the holiday!! It is actually the best holiday advise I have ever got!!

Walking down the road in search of cigarettes for K that afternoon after lunch, we were literally accosted, not once, but five times by youths on two wheelers bearing invitations to a party starting at 10.30 that night to celebrate the fifteenth anniversary of a resort….. we accepted the invite from the first guy who prompted us to open the invitation to check what “prize” we’d won ourselves….. it was a boat cruise….we thanked him and said we’d come by….. guy # 2, offered us the same invite, we mentioned we’d already received one and he drove on after bidding us a good day….. guy # 3 rides past, turns around, comes back and invites us to the same party…..when we told him we already had an invitation….he told us to try our luck a second time….. because there were an assortment of prizes and there was no limit on how many you could claim…..tired by this time….. and beginning to be crabby at my hand holding and walking down the lane experience with K was being interrupted again, we accepted the invitation, while I was trying to open it, guy # 3 quizzes K about where he is from, where he is staying, how old are you, etc…..he then asks us if we were NRI’s to which K answered in the negative…..guy # 3 promptly then takes back the half opened invitation from us saying you have to either be an NRI or over 35 to qualify for the party…..apologising that we didn’t make the cut, he rides on….. K smiles…..we walk some more….having bought the cigarettes, with K telling me, that it was a polite way of telling us that the party was only open to foreigners…..preferably the whites….and that this is nothing new…..the last time he was here with his friends, they were denied entry onto certain beaches that were hosting rave parties, with free flowing drugs, because they were indian……then comes guy #4, we give him an update, tell him we have an invite, won a free boat cruise, and didn’t make the cut since we were neither NRI’s nor over 35….. he says that it was wrong on his colleagues part to say this to us…since there is no such rule….and that he would be happy to take us to the resort, and will immediately arrange for a free taxi ride…..we thank him and tell him that we have other plans for the rest of the day, but if we did have the time, we’d surely drop in at the venue after 10.30….. he sheepishly tries to point out that we need to contact him to be able to enter…..and that if we didn’t go with him, we’d not gain entry…..K says we’ll manage to0 find him somehow if we did go….. he then says, if you want to come, you can come now…..in the evening the entry is only for foreigners…..adding as an afterthought………and NRI’s….we say no problem….wish him good luck and continue our stroll…..guy #5 appears in record time….we just say we have an invite thank you…..and walk on……

Goa’s economy subsists on its status as a tourist destination…. But before you think sunny beaches and sand, the reality of the underbelly strikes you……famed coastline notwithstanding, goa is definitely the easiest place for seedier things in india….the whole place waits for the tourist season that begins in October and lasts upto February…… walking down Tito’s lane in baga beach at this time of the year, you will see all the houses that let out rooms to tourists getting a facelift….the shacks that line the stretch of sand from calangute to baga still weren’t set up when we were here…..but they will in just a few weeks…..and then the foreign tourist contingent will arrive….to bring cheer to the economy…..

 while I love goa, have looked forward to this trip, telling K that we should make it a must visit once a year atleast, I found the whole thing annoying…….i wasn’t upset that I didn’t qualify for some vague party at a resort…..i was annoyed that there were certain parts of my own country where I wasn’t welcome……it isnt the first time I have encountered this…..the smiles broaden and behavior gets crisper and more willing to please when the shade of skin lightens….this is the same across this country….. from Leh to Varkala and across the east to West Coast……I’ve seen it in corporate offices, airports and pubs and restaurants…..and it irritates me….that my fellowmen/women want to please me any less than anyone else….especially when I pay the same, for the same service….. I am not prejudiced about colour. Race or nationality…..but to be told I am not good enough to go someplace in my own country because I am indian is possibly the most exasperating experience I’ve ever had……it continues to make me think about how much we love subservience and love to run and fetch…

I digressed…. But this was a fact I couldn’t ignore…..

Goan Diary - I

Life’s been a roller coaster these past few weeks…..wood polish not withstanding!! I think my entire set of friends, acquaintances and anyone else that’s been in contact with me in the past few weeks have gotten a dose of this!!

Amma’s 70^th was on the 23^rd of sept…..instead of doing the thanksgiving prayer meeting followed by a meal with the multitude of people that we’re related to, we decided to go on a family holiday….. when I sounded the idea off my brother, he was maha excited……he would be anyways, because this means, he gets to drive the hundreds of kilometers to and from our chosen destination!! That gets him higher than any kind of intoxicant…..plans were made and off we went…..

Oh but pending the trip, we tried to hasten the work going on at home for the library……we needn’t have bothered anyways….since it didn’t get done…… we tried our damnest best though…staying up the morning of our 8 a.m flight to Bangalore…..all we ended up with, was a messy house, furniture covered with sheets and the strongest smell of wood polish…..making eyes water and the nose burn!!

After just a day in bangalore, the entire gumbal, with enough luggage to keep us well taken care of for the rest of the year, we set off to goa……

The drive….was beautiful….. we took the route that goes to goa via karwar…… the rains really wash the earth and the weeks that follow cover her with the most beautiful shades of green…..the foliage as you drive through, is all green….. different shades…..all of it so beautiful that you catch your breath and forget to breath at times…..whats more? It even makes you forget the bad patches of road……we drove past paddy fields, corn fields, sunflowers and jowar and bajra…..the lakes, ponds and puddles of water full of lilies….some in bloom, the others waiting to get to the party…..butterflies everywhere…any shade you can think of and of so many sizes……living in the city, I can’t remember the last time I saw so many butterflies….and from so close….but the way they flit from flower to flower, I couldn’t get any pictures…..ferns and tall grasses make an appearance as you drive climbing the western ghats……rivulets and tiny water falls from secret water sources……the fifteen hour journey didn’t seem long…..more so because all of us were excitedly looking forward to the holiday…. When we finally got to the arch that welcomed us to goa, we were so ecstatic…..

Caught in an avalanche.....of saw dust and flooded with wood polish

Let me tell you something about woodwork…. Don’t even think of it, unless have the patience of an angel and an obscene inheritance….. I realized (rather late to control the damage) that what innocuously begins as the fulfillment of a fond dream ( a library in K’s case) snowballs into something that can bury you under and avalanche….unless of course you have a vice like grip over all your senses…..

Last month we began k’s dream project of building a library….we set to convert our third bedroom to cater to his many thousand books….what began simply as a one side of the room “wall to wall” bookcase project, soon engulfed the whole room…..k has a very impressive book collection…..i haven’t counted, but the movable bookcases that are staring at me in my bedroom right now tell me there are over 3000 to begin with….he’s very proud of them….. no one gets to touch them….and unless you want your head chopped off, don’t even bother asking him if you could perhaps borrow them sometime….i digress…yet again….anyways, after the first three days of work, we realized that the space allocated wouldn’t suffice…..so with a very reluctant heart, I decided, it was one of those sacrifices you make for your marriage, to give up 4 built in wardrobes (overflowing with stuff by the way) to accommodate the rest of the babies…and to make provision(might as well) for any future purchases…..which will be inevitable…..

if I thought that was the end of my woes….i had a fat chance in hell……apart from the fact that we’d need to double our budget(which has quadrupled now), it also meant that I had to find storage for all the stuff that those wardrobes housed….. if I told you that there was an obscene amount of home linen….it would be an understatement………lets just say, even if I don’t buy another curtain, bed sheet, bed spread, blanket, cushions (in several sizes), table cloth, mats, runners, napkins (including exquisitely hand embroidered cocktail napkins which I may never use), dhurries and foot mats for the next 10 years, I will still be able to pull off a new look for my home every month….yes…I have that much….and no, I haven’t bought all of it…..it mostly came in the form of gifts received, from people(amma being the chief culprit) who knew just how to tug at the heart strings of a home linen junkie……anyways…this is just two cupboards of the four….the other two housed my totally unused trousseau and chocolate and baking supplies ( err… not for personal use thankfully…I conduct classes for both)which include some gazillion supplies for packing……

ok now that I’ve given you the inventory, imagine how and where I found the space to reorganize all of this….. but I managed….with the help of an excited at the prospect of “my own library” K and my maid…..who was also the excited recipient of about 10% of my stuff….i had to do some immediate offloading to save the day….

So the new library, is not just costing us an obscene amount of money….it has also swallowed up a third of my storage…..to make up for which, I have had to embark on a carpentry project of my own…..storage boxes under the beds….six of them….(reads – more wood, more money, more carpenters going bang bang thru the day), extra shelving in all the cupboards that exist….which sounds perfectly innocent, but isn’t….it too means more supplies, extra number of workers etc etc….a wall unit in the dining room, night stands to use the drawers that we pulled out of the cupboards we tore down, some repair of the antique ancestral stuff I own and oh yeah…we’re remodeling bedroom number two as well….while we’re at it….which meant breaking down one wardrobe, laying that patch with matching flooring…..and …oh well….i am sure you’ve gotten the point……

Before we knew it…..one small project of two weeks, has snowballed into an almost complete rehauling of our home…. When k and I bought this flat four years ago, I remember coming just twice when the woodwork was being done…..we’d entrusted it to appa’s dear friend….so all I had to do, was tell him what I wanted….. and popped in just once to choose the shade of polish I wanted….. I was very particular that that we’d move in only after all the carpentry was completed…..they did such a marvelous job, for which I can hardly taken any credit, plus I didn’t have to live through it… I guessed it helped that I was working fulltime….and hadn’t the time or the energy to bother about anything else….and come on…I hadn’t the slightest idea of what kinds of things both k and I would hoard…..

Its not like I want to play party pooper…..its just that, its been rather difficult to live with a mess….try as I might, to shut doors, and sweep and mop soon after work ends for the day, the dust and debris is mind numbing…..i don’t have the courage to even think of what my carpet is dealing with….and these people have this insane habit of beginning work simultaneously, which means more mess multiplied by the number of areas they’re attacking…..uff….seriously….i just want this to end now….i keep telling myself that its just another week at best…..

So here’s my free advice to anyone who’s still reading this..............

 everyone tries to up sell….not just the girl who does looks disapprovingly at your face at the parlour and asks you to buy some age defying sun block…..

the carpenter will want to nail every wood board in sight…..

the marble laying guy will tell you at a few thousand more you can get the whole floor polished, not just the part you relaid…..

the polish guy will opine that its time you polished every door, window and any other wooden thing you own…..

which means, if you don’t watch out….and dream shiny new dreams, you will soon be engulfed in a project you agreed to when under complete loss of sense…..not only will it blow you into penury and leave everything you own covered in debris till god only knows when….

Decide what you want to get done and mostly stick to your plan…..consider what they’re recommending and tell them you will let them know later….consider the advise, based on your time, state of nerves and cash reserves…..plus of course the actual value it will add to your life…. And then reply…..

its absolutely ok to refuse…I’ve shot down thousand rupees worth of dreams in the last few weeks….. thank god!!

So hear ye all….unless you have loads of cash, the patience of an angel, the resistance of a brick wall and the ability to live in a noisy dust filled home, do not even attempt to renovate the space you’re living in….if on the other hand…..the work is important, for your mental health and the state of your marriage!! Turn a really deaf ear to the noise, blind eye to the mess…..and find a blog to rant….your better half sure doesn’t want to hear you crib!!