A Year in Passing

I turned a year older on the 9th of this month. A milestone year in many ways and a nice reminder that crests and troughs do make our life what it is. I have not had a more peaceful birthday although i am not big on occasions. in the past I have agonised over many things big and small as my birthday approaches. Depending on where I am in my head or what my life comprises of at that time, I have obsessed over (in various degrees of intensity) - my career or the lack of it, ambitions that lay dormant, what other people were doing with their lives and why i wasn't having any of their successes, my hair which is rapidly greying, my weight, the lack of good clothes, why I dont look like someone else, why my house does'nt look like someone else's, the opportunities to travel, various stuff related to family, and this is just a bunch of them.

I visited a friend last evening and I said something very significant to her. I said that much as I love my friends and want to be there for them, help them through a tough time, I am increasingly growing more protective of what I have in life. if someone is very negative about their own life, their negative energy reflects off them and onto the others around them. At some point, it tells on me. I am on such a high these days that I do not want that to be punctured by anyone... and i consciously am making that decision to stay that way. 

I've had such a  full year. The last one year has meant more to me than every other one put together. I am no longer trying to apologise for who i am or am not. I am where i am supposed to be, and any kind of peer / familial pressure to be otherwise is only robbing me of the fulfillment of being in the moment.

i look at friends with trouble in their marriages - serious troubles... and I am thankful for the strong foundations on which mine is built. I am grateful that i found a man i can trust with my life, someone who I've spent 14 years with and am still not fed up! We may not be the most romantic couple, who buys each other expensive gifts, plans surprises or holidays frequently, but what we have is good and i wont trade it for anything. I see friends around me battling to stay together and I am grateful more than ever for a rock solid union. not that anyone plans to have a marriage. but when things are disintegrating, it makes me sad. I believe no one should stay in an unhappy relationship, so I empathise, doesn't take away the sadness tho.

i've put my health and fitness in absolute first priority for the first time. I think it needed to make this journey. I discovered food through foodblogging. became aware of food and nutrition and that's made our lifestyle choices easier to make. I am still not a food nazi and enjoy stuffing my face with a 1500 calorie pizza once in a while. after years of excuses and living on the couch with half hearted attempts at yoga or skipping, I am finally waking up every single day to battle with my sports bra (has to be a better way to begin the day) and getting my ass to the gym. This one hour in the gym is giving me more than the rest of the 23. I feel endorphinised - i know that's not a word, but it means something to me. I see friends in my age group with ailments. spondylosis, lifestyle issues, body aches and pains, frozen shoulders, digestive problems, ailments and surgeries due to bad eating / constant/ eating out, lack of fitness,stress, adult acne, fertility issues... these are the catch words in our lives. the list is endless. And honestly I am scared for myself. I've had a slip disc and worn a neck collar to help my bad neck / arm in the past. I dont want to find myself in a hospital or undergoing treatment for stuff that isnt caused by an accident. If it is a lifestyle issue, i promised myself i would do my best to avoid it. Thats something i owe myself. To be disease free till i can manage. I look at my almost 74 year old mother and learn lessons from her daily. 

I am finally not apologising for what i do / do not do. I spent years envying other people their careers and thinking i was wasting my education, qualifications and experience. I've moved on from being apologetic and am focussed on practicing my skill with my rules. I've taken on work that interests me and I'm so focussed on doing my best that its paying off with clients. 

Foodblogging has added more value to me than i have to it. Who would have thought that a two byte blog would come to mean so much? Its chronicling my life in a lot of ways. Its given me writing assignments, classes teaching baking and chocolate making, i've met people i have so much in common with, made friends and broken myths. Its given me an identity and made me proud of something that i enjoy - cooking... removed it from the behenji list... whats so bad about that i would never know!

As i sat around the dinner table, sipping on my drink, I had amma on my right, K to my left and B and J in front of me. My life, surrounding me at a dinner table... I wish they would allow sage to sit by my side too....

i count my blessings each night... I stay focussed this year on being happy and enjoying the moments that life brings, even if it is mundane and routine... i am thankful for being loved, safe, healthy and precious.