Tuesday, May 31, 2016

End of the month

Its almost the end of the month and I was so sure I would end it on a high note. It has been a good month. I had a tonne of work, did something new - did a few episodes for a TV channel, and went out with friends in one of those agenda less leisurely ways.

Yesterday while I was in one of my weekend sessions, Sage had a seizure at home. Usually we are able to tell, he is restless and we can predict one coming on. Its called pre ectal behaviour and K and I can comfortably see the signs. This time, there was no warning. Thankfully K was at home and he managed to sedate him. I was quite scattered by the time I rushed home and it brought tears to my eyes that despite the heavy sedation, Sage recognised the reversing music from my car and came to the door with the customary pillow to welcome me.

We spent the rest of the day by his side, comforting him and telling him it was ok. I slept on the floor next to him with my arm around him. I dont know if it comforts him or me more. I guess I will never know.

For 8 months now he has been seizure free and this makes for a very strange state to be in. On the one hand, we felt he had fought it well these past months. But after a 4 month period (which was his frequency) both of us begin to get edgy. There is always a nervousness to leave him locked in the house. I didn't think I would feel it after all these years, but when I step out of the lift into the corridor that leads to our door, I feel my hands shake. I don't know what will meet me when I unlock that door. Thankfully till now I haven't come face to face with my worst fear. But the shaking doesn't stop.

I've postponed my monday and tuesday class by a day. K will take off and spend time at home when I am at work this once. He is going to be travelling for a week when I have 4 day long sessions. I hope everything will be back to normal as we know it by then.

The rest of the month was so good that I really wonder if it was evil eyes and not his genetic condition that triggered the seizure.

I shot for a TV channel. Demonstrated 6 baking recipes in telugu for a woman centric channel. I've had offers before but somehow nothing worked out. I've always been asked to do it for free and if I had agreed I would probably have had more than 300 episodes to my name. I am not sure if I want to continue this. I definitely wanted to try it out and experience the whole thing.

We shot at my studio on a wednesday. The shoot started late, around 12.45 PM and I was really beginning to lose it. Everything that you imagine TV shooting to be, it is not! The crew, tho very friendly gives 'zero' inputs. The brief was to 'do my stuff' so I went into full on teaching mode. I was not too unhappy with what we got, but not super happy either. Was happy to go with the flow and enjoy the experience. Its good to cringe at yourself once in a while. I am also very aware of the fact that I sound quite gruff and appear to be grumpy. I am not, I can assure you!

Since the last two years I have been very open to opportunities that have come my way and not shied away from exploring them. One lives and learns and I think for me the big shift mentally has been not to say no at the first instance.

I am not sure where blogging is leading me. Especially with the food blog. So much more 'engagement' on social media is happening and it leaves me quite fatigued even at times.

update: today is tuesday. I have a full day ahead and I just remembered this post was still in drafts. Need to get going now. Sage has had a restful day and he will hopefully be well while I am away for half the day. Talk soon <3 p="">

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