Friday, April 11, 2014

The place I've missed the most

Around August last year, when things in my life were topsy turvy, and Sage was having frequent seizures I became irregular at the gym. At first it was bunking a few days a week. By september, I had gone only 3-4 days in the entire month. In October, I decided to take a break for a few weeks and that kept getting extending indefinitely.

Each time I resolved to go back to the gym, something would happen and I wouldn't make it.

for a couple of months, I tried to eat healthy. And then the slipping began, first when I went to Goa on vacation in February. With nothing better to do, I spent all day deciding what to eat for the next meal in between a lot of beer. I ate till I could no longer move and told myself that I was on holiday and deserved to have fun. The first sign that I had gone overboard was that I could no longer jog on the beach. At best, I managed to amble and that too in small bursts.

On our way back, I promised to eat healthier and had one last meal of butter naan and greasy gravy. It was like I was tumbling down a slope and couldn't stop myself.

A few weeks ago, I gobbled a piece of rich chocolate cake even before I had my morning coffee. Telling myself it was early morning and I would burn it off...I knew I was lying to myself.

On monday night, I couldn't sleep till 2 AM. Thinking about how much time I had lost and as a result of it how much of my earlier strength and form. I was lamenting the fact that my tummy was again spilling over my waistband, and my thighs definitely had one extra layer of flubber. I am not body bashing, but I definitely did not feel as good as I did a few months ago about my body.

and then, something snapped. I had stopped setting the alarm on my phone. I grabbed it on monday night as I lay unable to sleep and set the alarm for 6 AM. Sage usually wakes me at 5.30-5.45 and I manage to pacify him and sleep a bit more till about 6.15, by the time we actually leave our house for the walk, it is 6.45 on most days. That had to change. I knew I would be getting hardly 4 hours sleep, but these were desperate times. 

I woke up, walked the dog, had two sips of coffee. Set out the coffee things for amma, and got dressed. With my heart thumping, I drove to the gym. The familiar walk up the stairs.....and the music playing....I wondered if I would have the courage to even begin all over again. My trainer looked at me with disbelief. I had been telling him all the while that I would come back one day and tho he was polite and encouraging, I don't think he quite believed what I said. 

I have gone back to perhaps where I started, but it fills me with so much happiness that my courage is back. Now to not take long breaks and just be consistent. 

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