Umpteen times this past month, I came here to mark my presence, to write a few words, to say that I enjoy this blog even now... I failed.
Sometimes, months go past without anything significant happening and then something so huge happens that you forget to chronicle it because you are swept away in its force.
Around April this year, I fell in love. So deeply, so unknowingly, it rattles me even now. The thing is, I have known this guy for almost half my life. We have seen each other grow and take on different tasks, succeed at some, fail miserably at others. Its easy to take for granted what you have right in front of you, when it is always there.
something happened. A storm so tumultuous, that I wasn't even able to see straight, leave alone walk. This guy, somehow, got to be in the middle of the storm. Raging from all sides, ready to engulf and obliterate him. With him, was this helpless person, who sort of in a very irresponsible unknowing way, started this storm. And then I saw what he did, he had the hand of this person firmly within his own hand, held on and never let go. No matter how bad, how reckless and how dangerous the storm was, he never once let go of the hand that he was holding. No questions asked, no explanations given, just holding firm, because of a promise made. Because he said "I will take care of you, I will be there for you, I will protect you and I will not judge you when I am doing all of this"
The storm took a long time to blow over, almost 21/2 months in human terms. That is a long time to live out. That is 21/2 months of daily adjustments, everyday refuelling and going forward even when deeply wounded. All because of a promise.... because he was an honourable man. He didn't let go of that hand, despite the storm inside him, the personal losses, the tumult in his family, the fact that everyone questioned him.
Picture this, a man is walking with another person's hand held tight. on a bed of glass shard ed ocean with the water right upto his nose, wading through water when there is a terrific storm, winds and gusts that blind you, and it is icy cold and it's raining. Not once does he let go of that hand, not once does he flinch no matter how much his soles are bleeding and in pain. That is the strength of this man.
Its easy, when you have known someone this long, to look at the warts and not the strength. To look at the flaws which are so many and not the honour or conviction. To expect that for the sake of the overall peace and preferance of everyone around, he should take the easier more socially acceptable way out... but he didn't.
This decision to walk with this person, protecting this person and ensuring there is a safe passage, has cost him almost everything. And yet, not a day of regret or anger has been shown. I really do not know what it takes to be someone like him.
All I know is, this man, made me see him in such new light, that after being by his side for all these years, I wondered who he was and what he had become. I am honored to be in his life, to walk this journey with him, to be his partner. It made me realise what a privilege it is to be with him. It has made me appreciate the things I seldom understand and always questioned. It made me realise, that all great men make supreme sacrifices and do not show it even when they are bleeding.
I fell in love, so deeply, that I felt the energy of this man even when I didn't see him. I realised that I didn't want to sleep walk through life and its decisions. More importantly, it has made me want to be courageous about myself.