Sunday, July 31, 2011

confused....also sad

When your parent begins to discuss in great detail, the things that you should / should'nt do in the event of their death, it is scary and morbid all at once, and makes for a very uneasy conversation to put it lightly. Details about what has to be done in case of casuality. What ceremonies to be followed, what to be omitted, who needs to be informed, what needs to be donated, etc etc. This has become dinner table conversation. and it scares the shit out of me. Amma says she wants us to know what she wants, and that it is something that we need not shy away from. I on one  hand agree with her. however, it doesnt fail to make me sad and feel helpless. In the past few weeks, there have been too many bereavements in my circle of family and friends. so the hows and whys and whats are being talked of over and over again. 

its a little morbid. but its also cool that my mother thinks its ok for her to tell us what she wants. so i am confused at how i should react. on one hand it reminds me so constantly of time that is passing. that she is firmly thinking of life for us after her... just acknowledging that makes me really sad. you always look at your parents as being invincible. and for them to talk about death so freely is unnerving. it has made me so aware of my mother's thoughts and what she is preparing herself and us for. in that way, she is always a few steps ahead of me... preparing the ground, like she did when i was going to college, moving out of home, getting married.....

parents. regardless of how old their children are, are always looking out for them.....mine, is no different.... but this whole thing, is making me sad and confused.

1 comment:

shilpa said...

aiyyo! aunty is going about this so practically... i might be an embarrassment to my kids, i fear.

take heart, girl :)