I want to break free

the decision that i was toying with for quite a while has been made finally......i am going to give up my full time job.... finally after returning from my 16 day personal cum business trip to bangalore and pune....

in bangalore i realised what little time i was spending with amma....how she enjoyed my company....no one has made me feel so wanted ever....for whatever reasons....sought my opinion, revelled in my achievements, praised me and generally made me feel like i was one of a kind......

i also suddenly felt a little suspended...with little to do but relax at home....i realised how much the routine run during the week contributed to giving my life purpose....and I didnt exactly like what i was seeing....it is a state of being.....not your entire being....

its something that i have been thinking of for a while and the last project i wanted to finish before i called it a day at my current workplace, and was able to wrap it up nicely in pune......

i was asked the same questions in the retention bid...i said that same things.....

this decision is important to me because it is going to shape the future that i see for myself....it will give me the time to do the things that i currently want to do..... build something for myself that is just mine...reflects most of me....and i hoep i will have the strenght to discover myself more than ever before.....it takes a lot of courage to tell yourself the truth....

i want to write, read, sew, try my hand at several things.....join a dance class, a theatre group....learn pottery.....and think....enjoy some peace and quiet....forget about swiping my card a few minutes late....spend a few more minutes in bed...have a bath in the afternoon!!

i'm thankful that i have the liberty to pursue this.....i know it will put too much pressure on k...especially now...i am grateful that the burden of being the provider isnt on me ..... i love him for this unconditional love...because i know it takes courage to tell a person to spread their wings and take flight....

i may not be successful in my pursuit...i'd rather die trying.....

Random Thoughts

oh it has been a long while hasnt it?? and that i havent posted anything is that i have had nothing in particular to say....from may to now has been quite a while....time spent with a lovely freind who was in town for a vacation.....conversations that the technological world cant facilitate...the look in our eyes when we connected without words...the girly gossip and giggles...of dreams untold and a future unseen..... a trip to see my mom and hopefully nurse her back to better eyesight....an idyllic 10 days well earned and well spent with her.... walks with the dog....liesurely lunches and catching up with friends who i havent seen in a couple of years.....

then duty called me to the dusty and bad roads that infest this city called pune....what a let down....the ride to and from work wasnt bumpy...it was like a roller coaster ride aiming for a slipped disc....comonly pluses were that i got to spend some time with another close friend that i hadnt seen or spoken with in years and a job well done..... for the joy that this gave me i can brave the overrated city called pune once more....

coming back home to hyderabad was never sweeter...ofcourse that i say everytime i head back home.....but believe me, even a ticket bought on a wrong date wasnt going to diter me from heading home....a nd thank god for a husband who is captain cool.....i'd have had a hysterical fit had it not been for him to take charge of things....womens liberation i am a believer of, but this was one time i was glad to just let someone else take the lead......

back home to hyderabad, a withering balcony garden and a hamper full of dirty clothes welcomed me....but like i said ....i'd have gladly embraced anything to welcome me home.....