Domestic Goddess!!

domesticity can sometimes get the best or the worst of us....and it has nothing to you with your marital status or the lack of it......its just that sometimes domesticity is like a canvas of an artist and something that we are in complete control of.... we do up our homes and maintain them the best we can, establish systems to run them smoothly...cook, clean and basically never grown up from our favourite childhood game of "playing house" .... we love it when people pay us compliments and tell us that we keep it well... we love it, bask in it and our cup runneth over!! i'm no different i guess...this morning's rant is because there is a fly in my overflowing cup......my cell phone weilding maid is as integral to my domestic pride as my ego!! she's the one who executes all that i cant.... i especially hate doing house work....i wash clothes and neaten up after she leaves, i also love pottering in the kitchen...hey i am a food blogger!!....but give me one too many days of vessel washing and you've gotten yourself one crabby woman!! boy!! god really must love you to see you through this all!! ask K, somedays he wont even know what's hit him when the crab in me takes over like a mutant.....i just wonder just sometimes as to what i would do if i didnt have devi(current one), or padma, rama or the scores of other women who have restored my pride ....ofcourse if i know there wont be anyone to clean the plates and the pressure cooker after me.... my use of them would change drastically..... with the dredging going on in the 9 acre plot next door, it hasnt helped the dust that settles on everything.....those are the two vital things that can absolutely propel me into a foul mood.... coming back to cell phone weilding Devi, she took leave for a few days because she wanted to go see her mother who wasnt well, when i inquired as to what had happened, she said her mother had been under the influence of "black magic"........this meant travel back to her native place and she brought in a temporary replacement....for which i was sooooo thankful, because this seldom happens.....i cant ask for the moon and was happy for this much...yes i believe in counting my blessings..... but over the weekend we didnt have much for her to do so i sent her away, on sunday she saw the house locked as we stayed over at S's....which meant that i have a sinkful of dirty dishes and an unswept floor that are both staring at me.....telling me to do something..... else all the tall claims that i have silently made will be crushed to death.... it begins to deplete your self worth and then everything you have identified with comes to a naught....

there's this unexplained trait we have...we take pride in doing what we're doing at home....like i said before it is our canvas...yet when things as mundane as the maid not turning up happens, it can send you into a tizzy...suddenly you begin to measure yourself against soiled dishes.....you begin to think that you are the only one slaving around the house while the better half prefers to plaster himself in front of the TV (no matter if he's put it on a few seconds ago) , that you've given up everything to take care of the home and hearth and here you stand, unappreciated infront of a sinkfull of dirty dishes.... you try silent forms of protest....like sulking...and banging things on the countertop a little more than usual......hoping that the one growing roots on the couch with notice.... he doesn't ....(haven't we been told that men can never understand anything unless it is as subtle as a sledgehammer??)...and we sulk some more.....

we think of all the missed opportunities...all that we've given up for where we choose to be....generally feel like the martyr...and oh boy, revel in this.....we feel taken for granted by everyone at every stage of life...and the final nail in the coffin being taken for a royal ride by the maid.....the fact of the matter being, most often when the maid is back and you've screamed at her...and the housework is done and everything on your canvas is back in shining order..... we're still sulking.....and still being crabby....

P.S: this happens to me....i generally vent on K, poor baby...cant understand why i am so agitated about domestic mundaneness.... but i thought i'd spare him since i had the blog..... the replacement temp maid is back while i type this and i can hear her washing the vessels.... my ego and sanity are slowly being restored

P.S: no in my sanity i dont measure myself against the dust on the curios......but well....i sometimes love to sulk....its like meditation....

a short stop to say hello

its been ten days since my last post and since this isnt necessarily a chronicle of my life, i havent felt compelled to write.....the fact remains though that i have limited access to the one computer K and i jointly own....in a few days though, that's all going to change....a brand new addition that can launch a rocket is expected...
temperatures in hyderabad dipped to 11 Celsius and its getting increasingly difficult to tell myself to get out of bed....no i dont want to be in a hill station, i love the hyderabadi weather....actually i love the fact that we dont have extremities of anything, but a little sneak peak...its like an assorted bread basket at a restaurant....i'm loving almost everything except having to anoint myself atleast twice a day with vaseline and body lotion...sometimes the dry skin causes me to wake in the middle of a cosy nap and slap on some moisturiser....
watched bluff master of the recent movie fame on tv this evening.....i think the script of this movie and the screenplay are near perfect.....i also think priyanka chopra is a darn good actress.....apart from the fact that abhishek bachchan with his then new stubble looked his smashing best...i just think i'd rather see him without it for now...its beginning to grate my nerves...not to mention give me an eyesore...

Reminiscing

its the day after our wedding anniversary...we were four yesterday....today's the day of our reception...the one that many friends contributed to because we weren't able to access the money that was supposed to pay for the reception...so the day we married in court, we drove from friend to friend, collecting as much as they could spare...i remember thinking why in blooming heaven's name I'd insisted on the reception.....today's the day K and i spent at the wedding hall overseeing every arrangement till 5 pm before we rushed off to our respective homes to get dressed....around this time, we were tiredly posing for the photographer with fake smiles and K spewing expletives and me thinking "oh god he's ruining my wedding photos".... we got to take off my heels and his suit jacket only another hour later.... we began eating without the customary feeding each other, because K was too hungry and hated the smell of henna on my hands....

K's been so busy with a project that i am just thankful he comes home at all....even if it is at 3 a.m, so it would have been the worst thing i could have done to nag him and make him pick out a celebration....yesterday was D day for his project....he was thankful that i didn't pout and simper ...i was just grateful that he didn't forget and go out of town like the year before....he came home quite early and spent till the early morning on the phone and on the computer....

for all those who asked me what the celebrations were, i said "we had a quiet time together" ...which we did....chatted for a while before i went to bed, leaving him with his work....

celebrations can wait for every day of our life that we spend together.... i am just grateful for finding him....... for it was so easy not to see him beneath the friend I'd known for so long.....i am just grateful for the love that we share.... for the time we spend together... and apart.....i am thankful that he never wants to see another place in this world without me by his side.... i am thankful that his love encompasses me at all times..... i am thankful that we let each other be the person that we are and haven't suffocated each other..... i am grateful that we are able to really talk to each other....i am thankful that he is my best friend..... i am thankful that we don't always agree...but agree to disagree.....when all else around me is crazy and doesn't make sense...when i am tired and scared, frustrated, angry or sad...i am happy, delirious and totally mad....K is by my side....everything looks less daunting when he is around...and he says that of me too......i know when he says that he cant do without me, he means it.....i am just thankful that we found each other..... in this day and age, when somethings don't make sense...when tempers fly and everything including relationships and marriage are fleeting, when a reducing threshold of tolerance is making everything disposable.....i look forward to growing old with K by my side...and i celebrate everyday i have with him, because i know it is something so precious...and that i have been blessed, because not everyone can celebrate the way i do......Amen!!

the aftermath of celebrations

diwali was this year quite a blast....literally.... i had as much fun as hardwork...making up those tonnes of chocolates was thrilling and tiring at the same go.... those of you who have been reading this blog know that i went through an emotional roller coaster with amma being sick in the last few weeks... but once she recovered and was ok again, i was able to plunge headlong into all the stuff that i needed to do, guiltfree..... last tuesday, i went headed off to the coffee shop of a mall to wait for a freind who was to meet me there and i'd also to deliver some chocolate she'd ordered....so i waited and waited and as always ( i should know, i worked for the same company) the meeting she was in overshot by a good two hours...so i decided to forget the coffee, drop the chocolates over enroute and go home...it was already dark and i was hungry and needed to get home so i could get on with the other work lying waiting.... i never take the lift if i can help it and began to climb down the 4 flights of stairs.... on the third floor, there was an elderly lady climbing up so i moved to my left to make way for her....big mistake... the stairs are winding and tapered, and my foot being longer than the width of the stair...needless to say, i tripped and went hurtling down the entire flight of stairs...i was only aware of the fact that my precious ( and expensive) cell phone was flying to my right and my handbag to my left..... and the bag i carried in another direction... plus that i wasn't able to break my fall...trying to do that was vain....i think i blanked out at this point... went all the way down trying to avoid falling on my face and breaking my teeth.....i got up when i realized that there were no more steps to fall over…and that atleast 50pairs of diwali shopping eyes were on me…..dusted myself and as bravely as I could I began to look for the stuff that had flown off me….it took three very chivalrous men to gather my stuff and ask me if I was ok before giving it to me…I looked up smiled and said yeah I am fine…just totally embarrassed, but I will be ok…thanks very much…checked my precious cell phone which had weathered the fall with none of the embarrassment I was going thru….i could imagine people pointing at my “as dignified as I can after a full flight tumble exiting back” andsaying…”whoa some tumble she took!!”.... the next two days I walked around like a chicken from the deep freezer!! Thankfully no broken bones and I live to tell the tale!!

The day before diwali I was overwhelmed with wanting to join the festivities….i’d already bought these awesome diyas from shilparamam…so I did some festive cooking and we had a blast…. Lit up as best as we could…. The house looked lovely with the lamps….K and I are both house proud and it’s the only thing he likes doing…helping me doing up the house….for the both of us, festivals are a cultural thing and for the first time in years we bought some firecrackers…. All stuff that went into the air and bursts into a zillion stars….we doubled our celebrations by teaming up with a couple from next door and their little son, dinner too albeit at 2.30am was together…..weekend saw us spend it with some more friends…. Food and fellowship is such a lovely thing…. needs to be indulged in at the right time and surely with the right people…..i think this is the best holiday that we’ve had….i think I’ll take a while to recover from all of this……

scared as hell

its amazing how easily life gets derailed....the last few weeks have been so hectic, tension ridden and sometimes lunatic that i have craved a "normal job, with normal work hours and a normal life" mom's been unwell and that has driven me up the wall...i have fluctuated nauseatingly between guilt, anger and helplessness...... guilt for i wondered if i was'nt sensitive to amma's low back pain for the two days before the full blown urinary infection hit her.....guilt because i wondered if somehow i had caused her to fall sick, because she wasnt in bangalore close to where her doc could see her and guilt that i had somehow not taken care of her....... anger because i didnt know which doctor, hospital and diagnostic centre to trust...didnt know if the reports had been fudged so we would be compelled to admit her to hospital as they had recommended.....anger because i was scared shit....and at my wits end..... helpless because i had so much work and deadlines that i was feeling dead at the end of each day, that i could get a full night's sleep cos i would get up to check on her several times a night...and helpless because its the only was i feel watching a parent be sick.... i mean they are the ones who look after us when we're sick as kids, they're the ones who know how to right every wrong...we believe they can make anything work, no matter how unrealistic the expectation is (rational thinking is something that age and wisdom gave me and i hate it.... i want to go back to thinking that my mom can make everything allright and fix anything...from a science project to a broken heart)

so when i was suddenly incharge of her and her health and well being, it was a responsibility that freaked me out....was i doing the right thing...was i taking care of her...was there something i had forgotten...is she getting better.,..why can't the phone stop ringing....why cant people get off my back and give me a rest...why cant amma get better and give me some respite!!

she got better...she had to....she's been singing my praises to anyone with half an ear...but i am just so glad that she's recovered...infact she's back in her element and her usual self...i am just to glad that she's well enough to resume her nagging!! hurrah!! just so grateful for the health she's been blessed with and so aware more than anything of these delicately intricate things called out bodies that we take so much for granted....love you amma....