As I write this, I am in a way
shattered by a few things that have happened (or come to light) in the past few
weeks. when I wrote about crumbling marriages, I didn't for the life of me
expect to hear of one so close to me disintegrate... it has left me quite
devastated. I am trying to be objective and supportive. I believe no one should
stay in a relationship when they don't want to, especially when there is no
love. Having said that, it’s a different thing when it happens to someone who
you know distantly. It’s devastatingly close in this case.... I had a meltdown
the other day. Pulled up my car to the side of the road and had a good sob....
it was embarrassing because I was caught in the act... at first I didn’t know
why I was feeling so overwhelmed....then I realised... everything I hold dear
to me, everything sacred, everything precious... was disintegrating.... yes it
was in someone else's life... but it still was terrible.
I pause a moment to think of the
people who are actually involved in this... two people who have spent a decade
together... two people who shared a lifetime... now are choosing to go separate
ways. How terrifying it must be for them, how utterly defeating, how sad. And
yet, hopefully, like a phoenix, they will rise from these ashes....they will
find themselves, and find love and balance.
I have been thinking over the
last few days.... what makes a marriage work? Is it love? It usually takes a
back seat after a few years... and besides, love gets tangled with children and
chores and home loans... is it children then? And is it safer to have them? So
you have something to do? Something to talk about? What about those who don't
have kids? By destiny or design? Are they more vulnerable? What then happens
when you are just stuck in a rut? In a boring mundane arrangement that drags on
for the sake of everything and everyone else. What is a successful marriage
then? a couple who have not had significant disagreements, been able to smooth
sail through life's arduous journey or a couple who have had difficulties,
overcome them and moved on?
I spoke to a friend recently who
flip flops. She has bouts of 'I don’t want to be with this man' and calls me
when she does. When I asked her how things were after a recent showdown with
her significant other, she said 'everything's fine. I am not about to leave
him. I said this to him too... that if there is a problem, it has to be fixed. We
have invested too much into this to let it go' both seem to be happy about it
and I can’t be more glad.
I wish that everyone finds their
peace.... but that is like a beauty pageant contestant's wish. I know it
doesn't come easy. I still wish upon it for everyone. It’s heartbreaking when
something like this happens. No one does it on purpose. But when a situation
reaches a point of no return, cutting losses and starting afresh seems to be
the only way to go.
I couldn't get over this for
days. It has taken me a week to write this.... I don’t know what to think
anymore... I just wish we all find our place and peace...