of having a lovely day...with myself

my friend N calls me a social introvert. I think she has come closest to describing what i have become over the last few years. I have written extensively and sometimes incoherently about my love for solitude these days. I love having people around. But a lot of times, when the socialising has spilled over a greater part of 3 days, I need to retreat into my silent zone for atleast a couple of days to be civil to anyone again!

I've had a busy last few weeks. Nothing that is earth shattering, but some stuff that has kept me busy and on my toes.

I spent the whole of today at a pace I enjoyed. the walk with sage, at a time when school buses were still not around, and sage could roam about leashless. came back home to a good cup of coffee and scanned through both the newspapers. spent some me time, reading, listening to trance, shopping online for shoes! and playing with sage. Could not have asked for a better time with myself.

in the evening, some friends dropped in and i was actually happy to see them!

weekends...come and go

Its 3.30 a.m and i just finished a piece of work i had been putting off this entire week. 

I've had a nice weekend so far. spent today almost exclusively with K. for some part of the day on the couch, sipping beer and eating biryani in front of the TV. Something I never do... but it was so enjoyable! then the three of us napped till it was evening. We had guests over. A girl i randomly met on the road and her friend. She stopped me when she noticed sage one day. we chatted, she was sweet and very chatty... we exchanged numbers and then in a random conversation i asked her over for dinner. Had a nice time talking about everything... its refreshing to see young people... to understand their perspective... their thought process...their ambitions and everything else. I hope she and her friend had a good time too. She almost balked when i told her how old i was.

I blanched too. because i realise i am at that age when 22 yr old people think i am ancient!

tomorrow we go to the IL's for lunch. its been a good week so far... 

bits and pieces

This used to be my main blog you know, before the food blog came along...then everyone had a photoblog and i made one too.... then we got a dog.... its a different story that each one of them is lying in neglect. Like a dusty old house forgotten in the village when you move to the bright shiny city...the cobwebs hanging...the paint peeled off....the walls crumbling and doors weather beaten.... but still standing

Summer is here. not officially... but unofficially... doing a recce and checking just how crazy it can make me. Its succeeding I must say! Also the changing season is another indication of how much time i have spent away from this blog.... its real stupid for me to keep coming back and saying that anymore... i think the last 100 posts all have some sort of "omg its been so long since i blogged here" phrase included in it...

I'm baking today... After ages... actually after Christmas... I'm making Haathi's (a blogger i have been recently obsessed with - I'm harmless... don't get creeped out (yet)) Masala Bread. I'll post it on the cooking blog if that is a success.

I was sick almost all of last week. The training project in colleges is half done. I've been having a stressful time at best and almost lost my marbles once at worst. I have never worked with people who have driven me nuts like this before. endless conversations that bear no fruit. I am taking one day at a time to avoid anything blowing up. I cannot work like this and it is seriously frustrating me. However, its taught me very valuable lessons. of putting my work before my ego. a few weeks ago I had a situation which made me feel like a child who had smashed a toy and successfully put it back together. Literally i tore something apart and had to stitch it back together. easier said than done, and spread over 2 days, it gave me a headache that elevated into a full blown fever and cold. I dragged myself through the entire week. Friday and saturday I just couched out...browsed and slept, played with my dog. I think that's what healed me finally. 

here and there

so much to say... so much time has gone by from my last post and i really cannot understand why i am not blogging as much as i want to. in my head, i have written hundreds of posts...

I didn't quite get back on track with the whole workout and diet thing post Christmas and new year till almost the end of January. that upset me mentally and physically. I am still struggling with regulating the diet bit. A lot of take away, ice cream and general junk is happening on a regular basis.

the only significant change has been my craving for a drink! yes, after the three month self imposed ban, I thought I would celebrate and hurrah with copious amounts of alcohol. Funnily, I seem to have settled into not seeking out the bar cabinet. Yes the occasional sangria did happen tho.

K has been very busy with his new venture. He works almost 18 hours a day and I cant remember the last time he came home before 9 pm on a week day. he works on Saturdays too and I miss having him around to nag and generally be a crabby wife with him. Sundays when we are home instead of his parents home, he couches out... putting in another 18 hours in front of the TV.

work for me has taken an unprecedented turn. In the middle of January, I took up the execution of a college based training program. I designed it and had big dreams for it. the execution was where things got tricky. Firstly I had problems with the people who were on board. Essentially because one MCP didn't want to 'report' into me! He was some big shot trainer and felt he had more experience than i did. In the game of 'mine is bigger than your's', i won. for the first time, i got someone fired from a job. it shook me up a bit, but i did what i needed to do. I also hyperventilated a bit....but am OK now...

this workplace is located about 75 km away from home. that's one way. So each time I needed to go there, which was 4 times a week till last week, I was clocking almost 150 kilometers per day. to say that it was tiring and exhausting is an understatement. Till everyone settled down, each time there was an emergency, I had to jump up and jump in. 

This project has taught me so much about myself and startled me with how seriously and personally I take my work. I wouldn't stand for a shoddy job, if my name was associated with something. Also that I am done being a polite person if it does not serve any purpose. I have not confronted so many demons at once before. I am also quite impressed with how focused I was on the result and not the speed bumps. In an earlier life, each time something got derailed was because i was overwhelmed with the many issues that cropped up and abandoned the project. This time, I was focused on finding a solution that worked for the result we had in mind. 

Also, for the first time, it has taught me that I am ready to jump in, roll up my sleeves and get the task completed - no questions asked. It made me aware that I was willing to get my hands dirty, not just sit on the sidelines and bark out orders.

overall, work wise, it has been a learning experience. 

fitness is the only other thing besides work and Sage that is occupying my time. I am now working out in the evenings as mornings are turning out to be unpredictable. I cannot go in the mornings, because the house and K's routine goes for a full toss. If i go later in the morning, around 9.30 then the rest of my day's engagements get messed up. So I've settled into the evening slot, because K comes home late anyway. This gives me time to finish the gym, come home, have dinner and crash. is working out fine for now. 

people have begun to notice my leaner body for now. I get varying feedback especially from people who haven't seen me in a while. It ranges from "you have shrunk" to "you have shaped up well". I cannot say that I am not happy. Would like to see a lot more progress tho. I am happy I have been committed and the results are there for everyone to see.

The one thing that has been constant is the sunrises I do not miss. For the last 18 months, thanks to sage, havent missed a single one. It makes me feel empowered and energised.

last week I have been on a movie watching binge. 

i saw Gangs of Wasseypur 1&2. maybe because of the small screen, I was not too impressed with the movie... drags a lot. superbly impressed by the performances of the actors tho. Particularly nawazuddin siddiqui on who i have a huge crush, richa chadha, zeishan quadri who plays definite and also wrote the script of the film (supremely impressed).

Shaitan by bejoy nambiar, starring an motley ensemble cast if that is a phrase.... most impressed with the movie, its treatment and the young actors.... added bonus was understated tough cop played by Rajeev Khandelwal. So many hot men in one movie!

Paan Singh Tomar sent me back to visit Tigmanshu Dhulia's older movies of charas and haasil.... i loved Sahib Biwi aur Gangster. 

A New Year....

Its the new year... a brand new one and I wish all my readers a wonderful year ahead...

I didn't have a very good end / beginning of the year. It was so reflective of how 2012 was. 

Personally K and I just clung to each other and rode the storm. We spent days and nights talking, discussing and reassuring each other that everything would be ok. Much as the first quarter of the year was shitty for K professionally, the second quarter was listless and unproductive.... the third was where things began to look better and finally took shape. I am happy he found a partner worthy of him and began to get all charged up again. there is nothing better than watching a man who is passionate about his work, find the partnership of someone who matches him intelligence and ability step for step. so workwise, things are looking up. K started his new venture and the only thing i told him was to think of nothing else, just concentrate on work and I would take care of everything else. I am trying my best to live up to both our expectations and be the supportive partner. 

I was glad the year was ending. I was glad we could put behind the betrayals of the past year and look forward to better things. 

on the 30th, against my good senses, i ate panipuri at an innocuous place and woke up at 2 a.m that night, feeling nightmarish, sweaty and chill at the same time. i felt like i was having a hangover when i havent touched alcohol in months. when dawn broke, i realised the panipuri was extracting its pound of flesh! the next two days, were spent with my back flat on the bed, when i could manage, and in the toilet when i couldnt. Even sitting up was making me dizzy. Poor Sage was so stressed with all my sickness, never leaving my side, and reluctant to take a walk with the watchman because he wanted his mommy. 

i recovered a bit by the 3rd. fed myself unbelievably obscene amounts of curd and rice and prayed i stopped looking like something the cat dragged in! by the 5th, I was tired of the rice and wanted to eat normal food! had to wait a few days more....

So today, the 7th of jan, I finally feel human again. I went to the gym and got a mild workout, i went out to meet a friend for coffee, I took a picture and didnt cringe when i saw it!

no resolutions for this year. I dont work on timelines. 

I wish for everyone a healthy year, doing what you enjoy and getting a lot of time with people who matter. 

much love.... me