the aftermath....

its been a full day after the seige in bombay has ended....atleast the worst of it anyway....i havent been able to do anything other than catch some glimpes on tv....read the papers.....and hope and pray that this will be the last that we see of this kind of terror .....

my heartfelt condolences to those who lost their lives.... in the line of duty ...and victims of circumstances....words mean nothing i know.... but that's all i seem to have right now.... i hope we always remember thier supreme sacrifice.... 

i am in deep gratitude of the men who defended and protected us....the Marcos, the NSG commandos, the RAF, the firefighters, the cops.... who showed us what they were made of....of what they are capable of and just fought on to uphold peace ..... i will not make a single joke about the armed forces anymore.... i will not crib about paying taxes...... if the bulk of it goes to finance the cushy lifestyles of the obese system, i will hope, that some part trickles to these men of valour who i know will defend my life.....

in  the staff of the hotels and ordinary people who showed amazing courage.... i dont know what i would have done...its a hypothetical situation....and i wont trivialise it by trying to suppose....it isnt easy...that much i know....while the live telecast on TV made it look like an action packed movie....the reality i far far from that.... to be crouched for hours.... sometimes hiding under corpses....biting on fear....in darkness....not knowing what will happen next....huddled together....even scared that the sound of the breath that you draw may be too much noise and put you closer to death.....of not knowing if you will be alive or dead....it isnt the things life is made up of....it is terrifying to put it mildly....and yet....in these circumstances, some men and women, put the lives of others before their own.....some of them live to tell the tale...some of them wont.....

i cant believe the news channels behaved the way they did....what began as breaking news....became peddaling of the "exclusive shots", exclusive footage and exclusive macabre that they had....each one trying to out do the other.... giving running commentaries when the commandos were being airdropped.....isnt that too much information being given to us? can that not be used by the very same people who planned this to the last detail that brought us to our knees? why didnt they shut up? or use better judgement?

each news anchor, goading the reporters onsite to get more and more exclusive sound bites....i wonder what kinds of sources they have......each one getting hoarser by the minutes.... more gore....the more blood and destruction, the more excited they got....i dont know if that was a good thing or bad.... i was just numb......

there are more questions.....how and why did the intelligence fail...collectively we have failed as a nation.... we either didnt know what the hell was happening....or we didnt pay heed.....what is the plan forward? is there going to be any concrete action taken, or is this too going to be milked for what its worth and then be forgotten?

one thing is obvious to me....we arent dignified even in our times of absolute destruction...our politicians land up with bags of money, to pay for the dead....they hold press conferences on the site where battle rages on, not caring for the complications in security they are causing.....they make irresponsible statements and shift the blame... and our people.... well what can i say...they resort to sloganeering.... they crowd behind reporters to come into the frame....i saw one man dressed as sachin tendulkar standing behind the reporter at the funeral of slain ATS top cop karkare....we want a good tamasha.....dont we care that we are contributing to a security nightmare....that the last thing we needed at nariman house, was thousands of people watching like it was film shooting.......there was an ocean of people there.....they couldnt even move the trucks and ambulances if a bomb fell right on them....and everyone seemed to be standing around....how and why did the authorities allow people to come so close to the site?? when will we learn??

there are so many things going through my head right now.... i have to stop ....

i just wish hope and peace to us all.....

mind numbed......

40 hours and counting…. Warzone Mumbai ….Mumbai carnaged…ravaged Mumbai…….Exclusive television footage has brought the terror right into our homes…exclusive coverage that served us blood for breakfast…..I sit glued to the TV for hours….watching as people are trying to make sense of it all….i cannot believe that this is all happening….in front of our eyes….people desperate to be safe….waving from their rooms in the Taj and Oberoi….holed up…not knowing what would happen next….the scores of security personnel…..policemen, firefighters, Army men, NSG commandos and Marcos…..the last two groups of men said to be among the best in the business……all of them doing what they can to “flush out the militants”, “minimize civilian casualities” and make us feel safe again….At least 125 have been killed in the Mumbai encounter, including 14 policemen and six foreigners and 327 people have been injured.  And this is the official estimate………

Some thoughts going through my mind right now

Chef Banja, who shared our church bench for 4 yrs, has died. He was an Executive Chef at the Taj and was shot at in the kitchen……I can’t believe this….it somehow brings all of it closer….

When will we realize that this is a real time war situation and this is urban warfare? That it needs to be dealt with the severity and seriousness….much more than we are doing right now?

How many more people should lose their lives and how many more attacks like this should happen before we appear to take measures to send a clear message that we are not a soft target anymore? When will be associate a little more value to the life of a citizen that has been lost?

Why was there such a time lag in bringing in our top trained commandos? Were they stuck in bureaucratic red tape?

Why am I paying taxes for the bills of politicians and bureaucrats instead of buying better equipment and training for cops and soldiers?

How did the guys just jump into a speedboat and land up at the gateway……isn’t this checked at any point of time? Where are the intelligence reports?

Why are the reporters and journalists the ones asking questions on policy and a way forward? Isn’t this the job of the people who govern us to do this?

Isn’t it the duty of the government to provide a secure place for its citizens?

I’ve just refreshed my newsfeed, and as of 11.48 a.m there is fresh gunbattle going on at the Taj, earlier this morning, this was supposed to be secure and handed over to the police….what is happening? Gag orders have been given to the media as it is believed the terrorists are getting access to the movements of the commandos….WTF!!

I am quite numbed by all of this….i don’t wish to conclude….i don’t know what to conclude with…. Hope maybe a good place to start…..and my prayers are for all the warriors who are helping us tackle this as best as they can.

 

Half a Decade ..... and Counting

A white train, veil and an entourage….. a dapper groom, awaiting his bride at the altar, a church full of people, singing …..and a priest waiting to say “I now pronounce you Man and Wife” ………..

Whatever else I dreamt of, this montage was never to be…… in its place instead, was a terrible excitement that we would finally spend the rest of our lives together…….hoping that the frayed nerves would hold up till everything was over….making all of the arrangements……staying at the venue till a few hours before the reception to get everything done…..i telling you my feet were paining in those ridiculously high heels (because k is a foot taller) and you asking me why I wore them in the first place…. You grumbling over how many more hours of handshaking was in store and me asking you to shut up and smile since pictures were being clicked…..

five years then seemed like such a long time…..now I can’t remember when it flew past…..knowing each other as long as we have, it seems like forever….. in a nice way!! In the end it isn’t about what we did, or how we spent time, or where we’ve been and what we’ve achieved…..

To know that I will always come home to you…..that I share my life with you…that marriage wasn’t the end of all that we wanted…it was just the beginning of what we have together….to know that we don’t have to be Siamese twins…..that we can be our own people…..with opinions and ideas fiercely our own…. That it’s ok to not agree on anything and yet know that that’s the way it is going to be…..that we are chalk and cheese….that we don’t have to share anything…..religion, language, culture, interests or even food….and yet, we share the life we have together…..to take a line out of Jerry Maguire, “you complete me”….

I am so glad I found you K…..if I had to do it all over again, I would……and not change a thing….Happy Anniversary!!

am i shallow??

Consider this:

i like to watch reality shows (one bigg one in particular) instead of news and analysis or something more serious......

i like to watch soppy mush instead of war/ political movies....

i like to eat chinese instead of some other exotic cuisine.... 

i love reading pulp fiction against all the other hard hitting award winning fiction that's always available

i like to talk about people and places and movies and food and annoying habits instead of earth shatteringly serious stuff like philosophy....

i love watching people... at public places...malls, airports, stations, does that make me a voyeur??

does this mean i am shallow??

Listed and listless

As I sit here on my first day at work, several thoughts go through my mind….. its pretty amazing that I am able to have normal conversations while my mind is running all over the place….it also strikes me….at how much we all use technology to appear busy….

Right now, I am sorely missing my laptop. A couple of times today I contemplated going home to pick it up and had to restrain myself…. It's a good place to hide, behind the screen of a computer….also my sheer dependence on it…..like an extension of myself!!

What do you do when you are at a loose end?? I plan….more like, I make lists….many kinds….endlessly sometimes…..so right now I have a few going…..things to do at work…broken down into for the project etc….. stuff for home…..lists of important and unimportant work which nevertheless needs to get done…..Why do I do it? it helps me plan. Its like laying my entire life out in front of me and prioritizing, organizing and purging. I feel a greater sense of control when I have lists…they empower me…

The workplace is a huge bungalow in a posh residential colony….in so many ways like the first place I worked for when I returned to hyderabad after my master's and a stint at the corporate offices at Bangalore and Chennai…there was no air conditioning and artificial light, just a small flat to work from….here there's a maid / cook and lunch gets made on the premises….eaten at a real dining table with placemats!! It can get too comfy!! I haven't yet taken up on the option of working from home, cause right now I need to see people to keep me sane…..i will find myself driving to work each morning till I need to be left alone….

The day has been pretty nondescript. I need to sift through a load of training material before I can put something together….so I better be gone…..if the title was anything to go by, there wasn't really any point to this post…..maybe I will do better with the laptop!!